Today is the last day of 2012.
It has been a good year. It had its ups and down, good times and bad times. Lots of laughter and some tears. Through it all, every single day, God's hand was guiding us, leading us, protecting us. I trust in Him as we enter this new year of 2013.
**warning--the next paragraph or two is political---I never get political, but it has been weighing heavily on my heart.
We sit here, so to speak, on the edge of a fiscal cliff that our elected officials are supposed to compromise on today....or else.....who knows...something about an increase in taxes. What is disheartening to me is what the United States has become. Millions of people who think it is perfectly fine to kill unborn children in the name of "reproductive rights", to take from those who have worked hard and are wealthy and "redistribute" their wealth to others, for men to marry men and women to marry women and then call those who say it is immoral intolerant.
I could sit here and worry about our financial future, the future of my children and get myself all worked up, OR I can put my trust in God.
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
I will take this verse and apply to me, to my family. I will, with the help of God, humble myself and keep pride far away. We will teach our children humility, to be hard workers, to be trustworthy, to lean on God, to pray for those with authority over us, but to remain strong and firm in our biblical view of the world. To hold God's decrees and mandates over man's. To persevere. To love our enemies.
Moving on. The other night Mike found the DVD of Lisa and Katie from ages 2 months until Lisa was 4 years and Katie was 2 years (but she claimed she was 6 on the DVD). A few years ago we mailed off the cassette tape that we recorded on and the people transferred it into a DVD---however, we never watched it. Pitiful, I know. What is more pitiful is that I have not been video taping anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch for the last 8 years.
It is not too late, except now my children do not want to be taped--but I will persevere.... and they will be sorry 10 years from now when we are laughing at their pre-teen attitudes. (insert evil laugh...)
We laughed so hard watching that video of them interacting with Mike and then each other. I may have shed a tear or two. I had forgotten so much about them as babies. They were adorable and hysterical. Not only that, but because they went to Tiny Tots at Concordia, some of their friends are on the video too. They had a Christmas program called "A Tale of Three Trees" and they were so cute. Lisa was a woodcutter (she did not want to be that because she had to dress in jeans and a button down boys shirt) and Katie was a little sheep. She cried but she stayed on stage (she was about 20 months old).
My one and only goal for 2013 is to video tape my family and take more pictures. That is it. Why put added pressure on myself????
I just have to add that I am currently writing Psalm 119 and it is RICH. There are a few things I never caught just reading it. For example, there is repetition of two thoughts throughout the entire psalm: Teach me your decrees and preserve my life (according to your word, righteousness, love, work). I have marked up this Psalm so much and I am only on verse 57.
Psalm 119 is such a wonderful psalm to enter 2013 with.
I challenge you to write out Psalm 119 and see what you learn.
Showing posts with label seriously. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seriously. Show all posts
Monday, December 31, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
May I Live Up To This Calling
"I am a disciple of Christ. I will not let up, look back or slow down. My past is redeemed and my future secure. I am done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, mundane talking, chintzy giving and dwarfed goals. I know longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotion or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised or rewarded. My face is set, my goal is sure. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few. My God is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, delayed, or deluded. I will not flinch in the face of adversity nor negotiate at the table of the enemy or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I am a disciple of Christ. I must go until He comes, speak of all I know of Him, and work until He stops me. And when He comes for His own, by the grace of God, He will have no problem recognizing me, because my colors are clear."
Found as the last diary entry of a martyred missionary in Africa.
Found as the last diary entry of a martyred missionary in Africa.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
What I Know.
Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends and we started discussing how fast time goes. As I look back on this blog I notice I can only manage a post about once a month--and I tell you, that comes around really fast.
So here we are at the end of 2011. The year flllleeeewww by. I am anticipating this next year will also.
I would have never guessed that I would be back in emergency nursing, especially since I was just about to start a case management job back in January after doing hospice prior. I had never been a "job hopper", so changing jobs like this in 1 year was a tad stressful.
Who Knew?
I would have never guessed that Mike would be fully on the road to getting his BSN and applying for nurse practioner school.
Who Knew?
I would have never guessed that Lisa would really turn out to be a cross-country runner or Katie really love the game of basketball this year.
Who Knew?
I would have never guessed that we would have two INDOOR kitties and another dog.
Who Knew?
God Knew.
What will 2012 bring? God Knows.
I don't know what the next moment may bring, but I do know that:
-There will be troubles. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33.
-Jesus will be with us. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:20.
-He will never leave me or forsake me. Hebrews 13:5
-In Him we have peace. John 16:33
-He is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
-He is always with me, He holds me by my right hand, He guides me with His counsel and afterward He will take me into glory. Psalm 73:23-24. This verse has brought me so much comfort. I think back to my moms death and as she opened her eyes and smiled at the One who was taking her into glory. Wow. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
I praise God for the mighty wonders He has done in our life. I praise Him for the people and friendships He has given us, even when they come for just a season. I know that we will have all of eternity to "catch up". I praise Him for our church family and the opportunities to serve and to grow and be encouraged and to encourage. I praise Him for the gift of eternal life. I do not know when my last breath on earth will be, but I do know where I will be spending all of eternity and because of that I can continue on in my calling here on earth and give God ALL of the glory.
Blessed be the Lord.
So here we are at the end of 2011. The year flllleeeewww by. I am anticipating this next year will also.
I would have never guessed that I would be back in emergency nursing, especially since I was just about to start a case management job back in January after doing hospice prior. I had never been a "job hopper", so changing jobs like this in 1 year was a tad stressful.
Who Knew?
I would have never guessed that Mike would be fully on the road to getting his BSN and applying for nurse practioner school.
Who Knew?
I would have never guessed that Lisa would really turn out to be a cross-country runner or Katie really love the game of basketball this year.
Who Knew?
I would have never guessed that we would have two INDOOR kitties and another dog.
Who Knew?
God Knew.
What will 2012 bring? God Knows.
I don't know what the next moment may bring, but I do know that:
-There will be troubles. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33.
-Jesus will be with us. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:20.
-He will never leave me or forsake me. Hebrews 13:5
-In Him we have peace. John 16:33
-He is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
-He is always with me, He holds me by my right hand, He guides me with His counsel and afterward He will take me into glory. Psalm 73:23-24. This verse has brought me so much comfort. I think back to my moms death and as she opened her eyes and smiled at the One who was taking her into glory. Wow. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
I praise God for the mighty wonders He has done in our life. I praise Him for the people and friendships He has given us, even when they come for just a season. I know that we will have all of eternity to "catch up". I praise Him for our church family and the opportunities to serve and to grow and be encouraged and to encourage. I praise Him for the gift of eternal life. I do not know when my last breath on earth will be, but I do know where I will be spending all of eternity and because of that I can continue on in my calling here on earth and give God ALL of the glory.
Blessed be the Lord.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Emotionally Challenging Summer Read
I am reading a book called Half the Sky. It is really opening my eyes to social injustice for women around the world. It is making me cry out to God, please come back today. He must cry when He sees how evil people can be. Then I look at my girls and wonder what they will be seeing as they get older. I am praying for them, for their future spouses, for the world they will be living in...unless Jesus comes back first...which is what I am really hoping for.
This book is written by a husband/wife couple who are Pulitzer Prize winners in journalism. I am not sure what their beliefs are, but they are for humanitarian causes and care about social justice issues. You would not find this book in a christian bookstore (at least I couldn't). God is definitely teaching me and humbling me.
I can only stomach bits at a time of this book. It has caused me to look at what God may want us to do as a family, as a woman, but mainly as the hands and feet of Christ. I have had to struggle through a few chapters and the last one was tough. I am not even finished reading this book yet either.
Chapter 5: The Shame of "Honor". They quote Deuteronomy 22:13-21. "If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," then the girl's father and mother...shall display the cloth[that the couple slept on] before the elders of the town...If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death."
I had a big problem with this. I feel like they are saying that cultures are believing the Bible and God condone the killing of a girl if she doesn't bleed on her wedding night. They do say that "this view has dissipated in most of the world, but survives in the Middle East..."
I tossed this in my head all night. Then I was doing my Ray Vander Laan study this morning, starting off in the Old Testament. Honestly, I was thinking how cruel people could perceive God and do. But then we went to Jesus in the New Testament. This part was not part of my study this morning, but God had it for me. John 8:1-11. The pharisees brought in a women caught in adultery and they brought up the Law of Moses and wanted to stone her. Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger and they kept questioning him, he stood up and said "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Then he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
{{ What could he have written?? Perhaps something they would have understood--( Jeremiah 17:13 ...those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the Lord...) }}
They left one at a time, the older ones first, (Rabbinic order) until only Jesus was left with the woman. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?", "No one, sir, "she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Wow. I just love Jesus. If the Middle Eastern people just knew Jesus...if they could see His mercy and love and forgiveness and fresh starts, then maybe, just maybe we wouldn't see all of this tragedy (that the media does a fine job of not reporting.)
I love, love, love that He met me where I was this morning.
This book is written by a husband/wife couple who are Pulitzer Prize winners in journalism. I am not sure what their beliefs are, but they are for humanitarian causes and care about social justice issues. You would not find this book in a christian bookstore (at least I couldn't). God is definitely teaching me and humbling me.
I can only stomach bits at a time of this book. It has caused me to look at what God may want us to do as a family, as a woman, but mainly as the hands and feet of Christ. I have had to struggle through a few chapters and the last one was tough. I am not even finished reading this book yet either.
Chapter 5: The Shame of "Honor". They quote Deuteronomy 22:13-21. "If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," then the girl's father and mother...shall display the cloth[that the couple slept on] before the elders of the town...If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death."
I had a big problem with this. I feel like they are saying that cultures are believing the Bible and God condone the killing of a girl if she doesn't bleed on her wedding night. They do say that "this view has dissipated in most of the world, but survives in the Middle East..."
I tossed this in my head all night. Then I was doing my Ray Vander Laan study this morning, starting off in the Old Testament. Honestly, I was thinking how cruel people could perceive God and do. But then we went to Jesus in the New Testament. This part was not part of my study this morning, but God had it for me. John 8:1-11. The pharisees brought in a women caught in adultery and they brought up the Law of Moses and wanted to stone her. Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger and they kept questioning him, he stood up and said "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Then he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
{{ What could he have written?? Perhaps something they would have understood--( Jeremiah 17:13 ...those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the Lord...) }}
They left one at a time, the older ones first, (Rabbinic order) until only Jesus was left with the woman. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?", "No one, sir, "she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Wow. I just love Jesus. If the Middle Eastern people just knew Jesus...if they could see His mercy and love and forgiveness and fresh starts, then maybe, just maybe we wouldn't see all of this tragedy (that the media does a fine job of not reporting.)
I love, love, love that He met me where I was this morning.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Rut
I have been in quite the rut lately. I started the new job as a complex case manager at an insurance company for medicare/medicaid patients. I have been learning so much and that part it cool. It is a desk job from 7:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. That part is difficult for me. I am getting up at 5:10 every morning to run and have my quiet time so I am learning to be more disciplined, however, I am not sure that I am cut out for this type of work. I am thankful to be employed.
The really bad part of this job is that it is VERY micromanaged. They want us to log out of our phones when we take a bathroom break (picking the option of bathroom break) and if you have to use the bathroom every 1 1/2 hours they want a doctors note. I refuse to do this. It is not that I am trying to break the rules or anything, but in all of my years of nursing (which is 18), I have never been this micromanaged. I am doing the job, they can trace every single thing I am doing and the time frame it is done in. I also drink a lot of water and am not getting "permission" from my doctor to use the bathroom. The person in charge of my supervisor said these rules are in effect for other people, the non-clinical employees, but still--we are all adults.
Needless to say, I have come home in tears many evenings. I feel like I am in some sort of "job-identity" crisis. I have been complaining so much that I am sick of myself.
But God is faithful. He is meeting me where I am. I started reading Jonah and chapter 2:5 just spoke to me: "The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head."
(Especially the seaweed being wrapped around his head. That is how I felt.) Chapter 2:8-9 goes on to say "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord."
A song of thanksgiving to sacrifice to God. That is what I am learning to do.
Am I clinging to worthless idols? We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year and God hates all of the idols we put in our lives. Something I have been learning is that when I focus on myself, that is an idol--even if it is the "woe is me" pity party that has valid reasons.
Philippians 4: 4 Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Paul was in prison when he wrote those words. I have to let that sink in.
This is a tough place to be. I have usually been a glass half- full kind of thinker and I will get back to that. I am praying for a renewed mind and the way to renew my mind is to focus on God.
The really bad part of this job is that it is VERY micromanaged. They want us to log out of our phones when we take a bathroom break (picking the option of bathroom break) and if you have to use the bathroom every 1 1/2 hours they want a doctors note. I refuse to do this. It is not that I am trying to break the rules or anything, but in all of my years of nursing (which is 18), I have never been this micromanaged. I am doing the job, they can trace every single thing I am doing and the time frame it is done in. I also drink a lot of water and am not getting "permission" from my doctor to use the bathroom. The person in charge of my supervisor said these rules are in effect for other people, the non-clinical employees, but still--we are all adults.
Needless to say, I have come home in tears many evenings. I feel like I am in some sort of "job-identity" crisis. I have been complaining so much that I am sick of myself.
But God is faithful. He is meeting me where I am. I started reading Jonah and chapter 2:5 just spoke to me: "The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head."
(Especially the seaweed being wrapped around his head. That is how I felt.) Chapter 2:8-9 goes on to say "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord."
A song of thanksgiving to sacrifice to God. That is what I am learning to do.
Am I clinging to worthless idols? We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year and God hates all of the idols we put in our lives. Something I have been learning is that when I focus on myself, that is an idol--even if it is the "woe is me" pity party that has valid reasons.
Philippians 4: 4 Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Paul was in prison when he wrote those words. I have to let that sink in.
This is a tough place to be. I have usually been a glass half- full kind of thinker and I will get back to that. I am praying for a renewed mind and the way to renew my mind is to focus on God.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Learning
This really spoke to me today.
This is the first time in my nursing career that I have no idea what I will be doing next. It is a little scary.
I have been learning to trust in God. To trust that He is in control and that He knows what my next job is.
I have been learning that my identity is not in my career or my marriage or my parenting, but my identity is in Christ.
I have been learning that taking a break from work can open up emotions that need to be dealt with. Namely, I have a great fear of getting dementia and dying at a young age like my mom did. I went to the doctor yesterday and he drew a whole bunch of labs and started me on a super B complex vitamin and Lexapro. I feel like I have been losing my memory lately and have been so tired, but not depressed. With all that said, my doctor thinks that it is "readjustment disorder." A normal time someone goes through after losing a loved one. Mine has just taken a year to get to me. It takes from 1-5 years, so the doctor says.
I have been learning...and will keep learning and praying and trusting.
*The Lexapro did not work for me. So I am going the natural route with amino acids and vitamins. I think that it is working. Of course lots of prayer and memorizing scripture and trusting God.
This is the first time in my nursing career that I have no idea what I will be doing next. It is a little scary.
I have been learning to trust in God. To trust that He is in control and that He knows what my next job is.
I have been learning that my identity is not in my career or my marriage or my parenting, but my identity is in Christ.
I have been learning that taking a break from work can open up emotions that need to be dealt with. Namely, I have a great fear of getting dementia and dying at a young age like my mom did. I went to the doctor yesterday and he drew a whole bunch of labs and started me on a super B complex vitamin and Lexapro. I feel like I have been losing my memory lately and have been so tired, but not depressed. With all that said, my doctor thinks that it is "readjustment disorder." A normal time someone goes through after losing a loved one. Mine has just taken a year to get to me. It takes from 1-5 years, so the doctor says.
I have been learning...and will keep learning and praying and trusting.
*The Lexapro did not work for me. So I am going the natural route with amino acids and vitamins. I think that it is working. Of course lots of prayer and memorizing scripture and trusting God.
Friday, September 3, 2010
September Already
I cannot believe how fast time is going this year. School is now in full swing. BSF starts very soon and I will be a group leader in October after the STARS retreat.
Lisa has started 4th grade with Mrs. Moody. Mrs Moody was also Cindy's 4th grade teacher many, many years ago. It is really neat to think that Cindy and Lisa had the same teacher!
Katie is in the 3rd grade and has Mrs. Fincke. We already love and adore her from last year.
I am still doing hospice. I am going through a tough time right now. I love the philosophy of hospice, I am just not too sure I like to company I am working for. The communication is poor and I find myself stressed out more than I should be. I like most of the nurses I work with and I really respect our medical director. I am very fond of my patients...some of the family members are very selfish. A couple of the families want the family member to die so they can sell their stuff and get money. It just makes my heart sick.
Mike is still with Gentiva. He absolutely loves his job. He is very good at what he does. His patients love him. He gives safe patient care and is so competent at what he does.
Sometimes I think of when we go to heaven and everything will be perfect. No more need for doctors, nurses, police officers, lawyers. What a world that will be.
I have thought about what I want to do in heaven:
*worship God by playing the piano fluently
*worship God by gardening
*worship God by cooking for the banquet
*worship God singing with a beautiful voice
*worship God by dancing like a ballerina
Lisa has started 4th grade with Mrs. Moody. Mrs Moody was also Cindy's 4th grade teacher many, many years ago. It is really neat to think that Cindy and Lisa had the same teacher!
Katie is in the 3rd grade and has Mrs. Fincke. We already love and adore her from last year.
I am still doing hospice. I am going through a tough time right now. I love the philosophy of hospice, I am just not too sure I like to company I am working for. The communication is poor and I find myself stressed out more than I should be. I like most of the nurses I work with and I really respect our medical director. I am very fond of my patients...some of the family members are very selfish. A couple of the families want the family member to die so they can sell their stuff and get money. It just makes my heart sick.
Mike is still with Gentiva. He absolutely loves his job. He is very good at what he does. His patients love him. He gives safe patient care and is so competent at what he does.
Sometimes I think of when we go to heaven and everything will be perfect. No more need for doctors, nurses, police officers, lawyers. What a world that will be.
I have thought about what I want to do in heaven:
*worship God by playing the piano fluently
*worship God by gardening
*worship God by cooking for the banquet
*worship God singing with a beautiful voice
*worship God by dancing like a ballerina
Saturday, August 21, 2010
My Wedding Dress
My sweet friend Sheila Williams is doing something so touching and special, that maybe one day I will do it too. She just started this over the summer with her daughter-in-law. They knit baby blankets for the babies in the NICU. They are called Kangaroo Blankets. It is so the baby and the mom/dad can have skin to skin contact. The babies seem to respond and get better faster.
Another neat ministry she is doing, called Threads of Love, is much more heart wrenching. It is to sew outfits for the tiny pre-mature babies who die. Many of them do not fit into anything for their burial. She told me that women donate their wedding dresses for the cause. So that is what I did. I did not get my wedding dress heir loomed like most do. It was tucked away in my closet. It was fun to try it on one last time--there were no photos for this!! I am not the size I was back then, but at least I could get it zipped.
It was fun to let the girls put it on. They had a blast.
Here is Katie in her momma's wedding dress.
And here is Lisa.
It was so much fun to see my girls wearing my dress.
I bought that dress for $200.00 at Bride's Mart back in 1997. It is a cream-colored dress that was perfect for an island wedding. It fit almost perfectly except the length. The funny thing is that when I went to put it on for our wedding, it still had that "do not steal from the store" alarm thingy in it. I wonder if the lady who altered my dress thought I stole it.
Our wedding was anything but perfect, and so has been our marriage. God has performed mighty miracles in our lives and I am so thankful for this man whom God gave to be my husband.
Mike and I on our wedding day (we look so young--I was 25 and Mike was 29)
October 21, 1997
St Thomas, USVI.
This is my very favorite picture from our wedding.
It was not hard to want to donate my dress. My prayer for Lisa and Katie is that they get to wear white dresses for their wedding, that they do not conform to the world or follow their "hearts". That they remain pure until their wedding night.
Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in their actions. (Psalm 51:10)
Another neat ministry she is doing, called Threads of Love, is much more heart wrenching. It is to sew outfits for the tiny pre-mature babies who die. Many of them do not fit into anything for their burial. She told me that women donate their wedding dresses for the cause. So that is what I did. I did not get my wedding dress heir loomed like most do. It was tucked away in my closet. It was fun to try it on one last time--there were no photos for this!! I am not the size I was back then, but at least I could get it zipped.
It was fun to let the girls put it on. They had a blast.
Here is Katie in her momma's wedding dress.
And here is Lisa.
It was so much fun to see my girls wearing my dress.
I bought that dress for $200.00 at Bride's Mart back in 1997. It is a cream-colored dress that was perfect for an island wedding. It fit almost perfectly except the length. The funny thing is that when I went to put it on for our wedding, it still had that "do not steal from the store" alarm thingy in it. I wonder if the lady who altered my dress thought I stole it.
Our wedding was anything but perfect, and so has been our marriage. God has performed mighty miracles in our lives and I am so thankful for this man whom God gave to be my husband.
Mike and I on our wedding day (we look so young--I was 25 and Mike was 29)
October 21, 1997
St Thomas, USVI.
This is my very favorite picture from our wedding.
It was not hard to want to donate my dress. My prayer for Lisa and Katie is that they get to wear white dresses for their wedding, that they do not conform to the world or follow their "hearts". That they remain pure until their wedding night.
Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in their actions. (Psalm 51:10)
Jury Duty and a good book
On Monday I had to go fulfill my civic duty. Of course I really didn't WANT to, but after getting there, it was not so bad.
I was potential juror #15. It was in civil court over a custody battle between a mother and a father who both claimed to love their elementary age boys. Neither parent had major issues, one may have had a bout with depression and the other was wealthy. The attorney asked me my opinion after hearing everybody else give theirs. I thought how selfish this mom and dad were being. I essentially said that and needless to say, they did not pick me.
I lost my parking ticket while fulfilling my civic duty and had to fork over $16. I could not believe that. I would have only had to pay $8 for all day parking. I know I lost it when I had to empty my pockets to get into the justice center. I cried. I just did. Crying did not make me feel any better, and knowing I get $6 for the day did not help. It is robbery--I bet the parking lot attendant makes minimum wage, plus it is not like the whole parking lot was empty (or full). The person/people/city are making money on parking. To have to pay DOUBLE--that is insane.
OK, enough of that.
I am reading a wonderful book by the president of World Vision called "The Hole in our Gospel." I am only half way through, but it is humbling and inspiring. Richard Stearns talks about his own journey from a corporate CEO to the CEO of World Vision. He talks about how in America we have a shallow and diminished view of the world and poverty and advancing the kingdom of God. That is so true, as I sit here behind a computer in an air conditioned home with running water and electricity and a refrigerator full of food and a closet full of clothes.
I think it is going to boil down to this- obedience to God. After all, is not obeying God the way to tell if we really know God?
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6
We do sponsor 2 little girls in Honduras through World Vision, help the homeless here in San Antonio, and also do "microfinancing" through Kiva, but it is not enough and we can do more.
Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." 2 Corinthians 8:13-15
There is a quote from John MacArthur in this book: "The true gospel is a call to self-denial. It is not a call to self-fulfillment."
I was potential juror #15. It was in civil court over a custody battle between a mother and a father who both claimed to love their elementary age boys. Neither parent had major issues, one may have had a bout with depression and the other was wealthy. The attorney asked me my opinion after hearing everybody else give theirs. I thought how selfish this mom and dad were being. I essentially said that and needless to say, they did not pick me.
I lost my parking ticket while fulfilling my civic duty and had to fork over $16. I could not believe that. I would have only had to pay $8 for all day parking. I know I lost it when I had to empty my pockets to get into the justice center. I cried. I just did. Crying did not make me feel any better, and knowing I get $6 for the day did not help. It is robbery--I bet the parking lot attendant makes minimum wage, plus it is not like the whole parking lot was empty (or full). The person/people/city are making money on parking. To have to pay DOUBLE--that is insane.
OK, enough of that.
I am reading a wonderful book by the president of World Vision called "The Hole in our Gospel." I am only half way through, but it is humbling and inspiring. Richard Stearns talks about his own journey from a corporate CEO to the CEO of World Vision. He talks about how in America we have a shallow and diminished view of the world and poverty and advancing the kingdom of God. That is so true, as I sit here behind a computer in an air conditioned home with running water and electricity and a refrigerator full of food and a closet full of clothes.
I think it is going to boil down to this- obedience to God. After all, is not obeying God the way to tell if we really know God?
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6
We do sponsor 2 little girls in Honduras through World Vision, help the homeless here in San Antonio, and also do "microfinancing" through Kiva, but it is not enough and we can do more.
Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." 2 Corinthians 8:13-15
There is a quote from John MacArthur in this book: "The true gospel is a call to self-denial. It is not a call to self-fulfillment."
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Learning about God's faithfulness
The summer has gone by so fast. Tomorrow we go get registered for school. It already starts in two weeks.
Today we came home from our "one last hoo-rah" before school starts.
We went to the coast for a short get-away. It could've been shorter as far as I am concerned. It started with a stinky RV--whoever used it last didn't empty the sewer line, so Mike came to the rescue and emptied it at 1:00 in the morning (my hero). I don't know if that had anything to do with the roaches in there this time. I HATE roaches. Can't stand the little suckers. They freak me out. Then the flip flops I wore rubbed my feet the wrong way and I had two sores on the tops of my feet. Good times.
But I must say, the beach was clean and the girls had a blast. Yesterday I got a free coffee from the restaurant we got our food to go from. That is always fun. The air conditioner was working in the RV. We are home now and that is good.
This morning I got to have my quiet time on the beach and God really showed me how faithful He has been in my life. The song on Pandora was "It is Well With My Soul" and I turned in my journal to two years ago in August when we had mom at the coast with us. That is when she fell and fractured her hip and everything seemed to go downhill from there.
In light of the uncertainty and moments of wondering if we were doing the right thing, God was there carrying me through those times. He was reaching for Cindy, He was showing me how to love my mom in her state of dementia, He was teaching me patience with Lisa and Katie and mom. He was showing me what kind of husband He has given me. Most important, that He loved my mom.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8
Today we came home from our "one last hoo-rah" before school starts.
We went to the coast for a short get-away. It could've been shorter as far as I am concerned. It started with a stinky RV--whoever used it last didn't empty the sewer line, so Mike came to the rescue and emptied it at 1:00 in the morning (my hero). I don't know if that had anything to do with the roaches in there this time. I HATE roaches. Can't stand the little suckers. They freak me out. Then the flip flops I wore rubbed my feet the wrong way and I had two sores on the tops of my feet. Good times.
But I must say, the beach was clean and the girls had a blast. Yesterday I got a free coffee from the restaurant we got our food to go from. That is always fun. The air conditioner was working in the RV. We are home now and that is good.
This morning I got to have my quiet time on the beach and God really showed me how faithful He has been in my life. The song on Pandora was "It is Well With My Soul" and I turned in my journal to two years ago in August when we had mom at the coast with us. That is when she fell and fractured her hip and everything seemed to go downhill from there.
In light of the uncertainty and moments of wondering if we were doing the right thing, God was there carrying me through those times. He was reaching for Cindy, He was showing me how to love my mom in her state of dementia, He was teaching me patience with Lisa and Katie and mom. He was showing me what kind of husband He has given me. Most important, that He loved my mom.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Mighty to Save
Tonight Mike and I watched a Loui Giglio video called Fruitcake and Ice Cream. The topic is on friendship and grace.
Part of the story was about a college senior who was balancing a party life with completing college. She was not a Christian, her boyfriend lived in an apartment with her and then cheated on her. She kicked him out and got another room mate who happened to be a Christian. Now this Christian girl did not judge, she listened and she prayed.
Eventually, after much boyfriend drama, this party girl wanted what this Christian girl had. Part of the story, and the story is much deeper, is that when she heard the song Mighty to Save the first time, it made her cry, she wondered why everyone raised their hands.
I needed to read the lyrics again, like I was listening for the first time.
Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.
Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.
So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.
Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus
This party girl would journal and in her journal called her room mate a fruitcake and that is why part of the title is Fruitcake and Ice Cream.
This story does not end here. The party girl gave her life to Christ, journaled about it, about her changed life, e-mailed Loui Giglio, he responded and she thought it was crazy awesome that he would e-mail her back.
Three months later she died in a car accident. She was only 22 about to graduate from college.
Wow. It has made me think so much this evening.
We don't know how long we have on this side of heaven.
We don't know what our witness does for others.
Lord, I pray that I don't come across judgemental towards others, but loving. Let me not care what others think of me, if they think I am a fruitcake, let if be a fruitcake for you.
So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again. I give my life to follow, everything I believe in, now I surrender...
Part of the story was about a college senior who was balancing a party life with completing college. She was not a Christian, her boyfriend lived in an apartment with her and then cheated on her. She kicked him out and got another room mate who happened to be a Christian. Now this Christian girl did not judge, she listened and she prayed.
Eventually, after much boyfriend drama, this party girl wanted what this Christian girl had. Part of the story, and the story is much deeper, is that when she heard the song Mighty to Save the first time, it made her cry, she wondered why everyone raised their hands.
I needed to read the lyrics again, like I was listening for the first time.
Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.
Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.
Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.
So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.
Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus
This party girl would journal and in her journal called her room mate a fruitcake and that is why part of the title is Fruitcake and Ice Cream.
This story does not end here. The party girl gave her life to Christ, journaled about it, about her changed life, e-mailed Loui Giglio, he responded and she thought it was crazy awesome that he would e-mail her back.
Three months later she died in a car accident. She was only 22 about to graduate from college.
Wow. It has made me think so much this evening.
We don't know how long we have on this side of heaven.
We don't know what our witness does for others.
Lord, I pray that I don't come across judgemental towards others, but loving. Let me not care what others think of me, if they think I am a fruitcake, let if be a fruitcake for you.
So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures, fill my life again. I give my life to follow, everything I believe in, now I surrender...
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Learning and Serving
I started as a hospice RN in April, unsure of what I am doing, but feeling led by God to do this. I NEVER had any aspirations, goals, dreams or desire to be a hospice nurse. In fact, I was on the other end of the spectrum "stay away from the light..." I was an ER nurse. But my thinking has totally changed.
I have 11 patients that I case manage. I find myself thinking about death alot now. The Bible says that we are eternally minded. Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.
Do my patients know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior?
That is the only question that will matter when we die.
Mike and I attended a training class taught by a wonderful pastor friend who helped us in our darkest hour. It is missional worker training and basically teaches that we are all missionaries. We have "our people" that we have relationships with who we influence with the love of Jesus. Our family, neighbors, co-workers, patients.
We were asked "Why Jesus?"
Because He saved me. He changed me. He chose me. He loves me. He died for me, so I should live for Him.
What are ways we bring the presence of Jesus to people?
By listening. Being interested in their lives. We must develop a spirit of quietness and listening. Don't try to change and be judgemental. God is the judge. Don't try to "fix" them. Let God be God. I am just the vessel and instrument to show the love of Christ.
Two weekends ago was the spring Women's STARS retreat. It was also my first Mother's Day without my mom. I didn't think that would bother me, but one of my patients who I met on the day before the retreat, has my mom's same diagnosis and looks like my mom did. I went home and cried--really hard. It was therapeutic. Mike and I got to talk and pray, it was a beautiful time.
I gave my testimony (reconciliation), gave an introduction for Laura and for Melody. I got the honor to be a co-table leader again. I was the nurse and spent the first night in the ER with Vickie who has 5 fractures in her foot after an accident on the very first event of the retreat. This was by far the hardest retreat I have ever been on. On many levels there was spiritual warfare happening. Total exhaustion, giving my testimony, being the nurse and having a prayer partner who did not want to be there, was extremely negative and especially harsh in her word choices to me. It was fun being with Vickie in the infirmary all weekend, but I did not feel like I was part of the team. As a bonus, I got to come home to my youngest child with a case of lice. Good times!! Late nights!! Fine tooth combs and lots of laundry!!
But all is good and I really have managed to laugh at this stuff. God is good.
I loved serving on team. I have made some incredible friends and am extremely blessed by the women God has put in my life.
God reminded me when I was about to give my testimony that my history is His Story. He saved Mike. He saved me. He saved our marriage. I wish my past was perfect and that I followed Him my entire life. But in my story, I found His mercies, His grace and His forgiveness. I found His love. He never lost me--He was always there.
I have 11 patients that I case manage. I find myself thinking about death alot now. The Bible says that we are eternally minded. Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.
Do my patients know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior?
That is the only question that will matter when we die.
Mike and I attended a training class taught by a wonderful pastor friend who helped us in our darkest hour. It is missional worker training and basically teaches that we are all missionaries. We have "our people" that we have relationships with who we influence with the love of Jesus. Our family, neighbors, co-workers, patients.
We were asked "Why Jesus?"
Because He saved me. He changed me. He chose me. He loves me. He died for me, so I should live for Him.
What are ways we bring the presence of Jesus to people?
By listening. Being interested in their lives. We must develop a spirit of quietness and listening. Don't try to change and be judgemental. God is the judge. Don't try to "fix" them. Let God be God. I am just the vessel and instrument to show the love of Christ.
Two weekends ago was the spring Women's STARS retreat. It was also my first Mother's Day without my mom. I didn't think that would bother me, but one of my patients who I met on the day before the retreat, has my mom's same diagnosis and looks like my mom did. I went home and cried--really hard. It was therapeutic. Mike and I got to talk and pray, it was a beautiful time.
I gave my testimony (reconciliation), gave an introduction for Laura and for Melody. I got the honor to be a co-table leader again. I was the nurse and spent the first night in the ER with Vickie who has 5 fractures in her foot after an accident on the very first event of the retreat. This was by far the hardest retreat I have ever been on. On many levels there was spiritual warfare happening. Total exhaustion, giving my testimony, being the nurse and having a prayer partner who did not want to be there, was extremely negative and especially harsh in her word choices to me. It was fun being with Vickie in the infirmary all weekend, but I did not feel like I was part of the team. As a bonus, I got to come home to my youngest child with a case of lice. Good times!! Late nights!! Fine tooth combs and lots of laundry!!
But all is good and I really have managed to laugh at this stuff. God is good.
I loved serving on team. I have made some incredible friends and am extremely blessed by the women God has put in my life.
God reminded me when I was about to give my testimony that my history is His Story. He saved Mike. He saved me. He saved our marriage. I wish my past was perfect and that I followed Him my entire life. But in my story, I found His mercies, His grace and His forgiveness. I found His love. He never lost me--He was always there.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Overwhelmed and Inadequate (how's that for a catchy title)
Time is just going by so fast and I sit for a moment and think that if I would have done this or that I would be done by now. If I got organized, really organized, that I would not feel so overwhelmed so much of the time.
The past few weeks I have been in a state of insecurity like I haven't been in for a while. I question every single decision I am making--little ones like what to make for dinner to big ones like did I make the right decision to leave my job at Baptist. There is so much unknown and I wish that God would just say audibly--"this is what I want you to do."
I am feeling insecure as a mom. The girls are getting so big and I don't want them to have the same issues I did. I want to have a relationship with them that I didn't get to have with my mom. I want them to love God with every fiber of their being and to find husbands that love God with every fiber of their being. It is scary to see the world they are growing up in and it is making me feel like if we don't prepare them for what is out there, they will follow the crowd.
It feels like all I do is discipline. Or keep on them for everything like brushing teeth and picking up behind themselves. I try to have light, fun conversations with them but then they start to pick on each other and before I know it--the moment is over and discipline is required. Takes all of the fun out of it.
Mike and I had a difficult week. We are good now, but it just reminds me that we are both flawed human beings expecting the other one not to be flawed. Communication is so vital to a marriage, that it is almost hilarious that men and women communicate so differently. Being humble and holding ones tongue is also so vital. Of course, sometimes the humility comes only after you didn't hold your tongue:-)
Even though I am going through this...valley of sorts, I will not stay here. I will learn what I need to learn, apply it and move on.
I am incredibly thankful for this Holy Week. Jesus took all of my sins and flaws upon Himself and paid the price so that I can live eternally in His presence. How do I give thanks? I can't in my own strength. But I can go on to live a life of thanks and to remain in His Spirit. To let the Holy Spirit have control at all times, especially in the most difficult of times--like marriage and parenting-which I am learning is not for the faint of heart--and they both bring out every single insecurity that plagues me. I am extremely grateful for where God has placed me, the people He has given me to love, nurture, pray for and yes, discipline when needed.
Lord, deliver me from these feelings of being inadequate and insecure. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Be my strength in weakness. Give me the power to trust You in all areas.
In Jesus' saving name, amen
The past few weeks I have been in a state of insecurity like I haven't been in for a while. I question every single decision I am making--little ones like what to make for dinner to big ones like did I make the right decision to leave my job at Baptist. There is so much unknown and I wish that God would just say audibly--"this is what I want you to do."
I am feeling insecure as a mom. The girls are getting so big and I don't want them to have the same issues I did. I want to have a relationship with them that I didn't get to have with my mom. I want them to love God with every fiber of their being and to find husbands that love God with every fiber of their being. It is scary to see the world they are growing up in and it is making me feel like if we don't prepare them for what is out there, they will follow the crowd.
It feels like all I do is discipline. Or keep on them for everything like brushing teeth and picking up behind themselves. I try to have light, fun conversations with them but then they start to pick on each other and before I know it--the moment is over and discipline is required. Takes all of the fun out of it.
Mike and I had a difficult week. We are good now, but it just reminds me that we are both flawed human beings expecting the other one not to be flawed. Communication is so vital to a marriage, that it is almost hilarious that men and women communicate so differently. Being humble and holding ones tongue is also so vital. Of course, sometimes the humility comes only after you didn't hold your tongue:-)
Even though I am going through this...valley of sorts, I will not stay here. I will learn what I need to learn, apply it and move on.
I am incredibly thankful for this Holy Week. Jesus took all of my sins and flaws upon Himself and paid the price so that I can live eternally in His presence. How do I give thanks? I can't in my own strength. But I can go on to live a life of thanks and to remain in His Spirit. To let the Holy Spirit have control at all times, especially in the most difficult of times--like marriage and parenting-which I am learning is not for the faint of heart--and they both bring out every single insecurity that plagues me. I am extremely grateful for where God has placed me, the people He has given me to love, nurture, pray for and yes, discipline when needed.
Lord, deliver me from these feelings of being inadequate and insecure. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Be my strength in weakness. Give me the power to trust You in all areas.
In Jesus' saving name, amen
Sunday, February 28, 2010
So Long February
I can't believe that February 2010 is over.
I turned 38 on the 15th. It was not a big deal. Birthdays have not been a big deal to me. I didn't think that it would be hard since mom died, but it turned out to be a little more difficult than I anticipated. I grieved her loss. The loss of the woman who brought me into the world, nourished me, taught me, disciplined me, loved me. I rejoiced over knowing without a doubt where she is and that one day we will be reunited.
I had some surgery to help with some female issues I had been having. I was nervous about it, but it all went rather smooth and I think that the results will be well worth it.
Mike bought me Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us.
It was really good although I don't want to say I read a good book and that's where it ends. I am working on change. On not being insecure.
My insecurities at this time in my life are fear of looking/sounding stupid or foolish or dumb, self-doubt, and being too sensitive. I need restoration. I am praying for God to do make me into what He meant me to be. He did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. I am asking Him to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that I have caused myself like pride, selfishness, even thinking too little of myself which is a form of pride. I ask Him to convict me instantly when insecurity is of my own making. I ask Him to flood my life with purpose and and compassion, for Him to be my strength in weakness.
My last day at my current job is March 12. I am excited to start something different, a new challenge, and to only work part-time. I cannot wait to be a little more involved in school and Women's Bible Study, to be able to be home a little bit more, to get involved more with the girls school life. I am a little nervous for only 1 1/2 incomes instead of the 2 full time incomes, but Mike has been a great financial leader in our home and we should be able to do this without difficulty. Thank you Lord.
The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whos waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
I turned 38 on the 15th. It was not a big deal. Birthdays have not been a big deal to me. I didn't think that it would be hard since mom died, but it turned out to be a little more difficult than I anticipated. I grieved her loss. The loss of the woman who brought me into the world, nourished me, taught me, disciplined me, loved me. I rejoiced over knowing without a doubt where she is and that one day we will be reunited.
I had some surgery to help with some female issues I had been having. I was nervous about it, but it all went rather smooth and I think that the results will be well worth it.
Mike bought me Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us.
It was really good although I don't want to say I read a good book and that's where it ends. I am working on change. On not being insecure.
My insecurities at this time in my life are fear of looking/sounding stupid or foolish or dumb, self-doubt, and being too sensitive. I need restoration. I am praying for God to do make me into what He meant me to be. He did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. I am asking Him to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that I have caused myself like pride, selfishness, even thinking too little of myself which is a form of pride. I ask Him to convict me instantly when insecurity is of my own making. I ask Him to flood my life with purpose and and compassion, for Him to be my strength in weakness.
My last day at my current job is March 12. I am excited to start something different, a new challenge, and to only work part-time. I cannot wait to be a little more involved in school and Women's Bible Study, to be able to be home a little bit more, to get involved more with the girls school life. I am a little nervous for only 1 1/2 incomes instead of the 2 full time incomes, but Mike has been a great financial leader in our home and we should be able to do this without difficulty. Thank you Lord.
The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whos waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
Monday, February 1, 2010
Weekend recap
This past weekend Mike and I got to go up to Waco to the World Mandate. It was held on the campus of Baylor University and there were about 3000 people in attendance. The theme was "Let Your Kingdom Come."
It is about the idea of God's presence, about serving, missionary work, being not just the "head" of Jesus, but being his hands and feet. It was about what breaks God's heart--the pain in this world--orphans, famine, addiction, any dark place.
There was great worship music, lots of prayer and missionaries did some teaching.
Highlights of the messages:
-Go to the places of pain where people are, in their addiction, difficulties of life, the dark places. Those are the places where God is and He wants to show mercy and grace. God is at work in the pain, He wants to heal and restore. He does that in our lives and we are to take that and help others out in their pain.
-This life is not about all that we can gather, rather it should be about what we can give away.
-God is looking for obedient people. We are not His disciples if we are not obeying.
We headed back on Sunday morning and made it back to church in time for our service. I couldn't believe that our sermon was about serving. Actually, I guess that I can believe that. God likes to do things like that, to make sure we are getting the message.
What I got from our sermon was about the attitude in serving. Giving it your all with a joyful spirit.
A Bible verse from World Mandate that stood out to me was James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
It is about the idea of God's presence, about serving, missionary work, being not just the "head" of Jesus, but being his hands and feet. It was about what breaks God's heart--the pain in this world--orphans, famine, addiction, any dark place.
There was great worship music, lots of prayer and missionaries did some teaching.
Highlights of the messages:
-Go to the places of pain where people are, in their addiction, difficulties of life, the dark places. Those are the places where God is and He wants to show mercy and grace. God is at work in the pain, He wants to heal and restore. He does that in our lives and we are to take that and help others out in their pain.
-This life is not about all that we can gather, rather it should be about what we can give away.
-God is looking for obedient people. We are not His disciples if we are not obeying.
We headed back on Sunday morning and made it back to church in time for our service. I couldn't believe that our sermon was about serving. Actually, I guess that I can believe that. God likes to do things like that, to make sure we are getting the message.
What I got from our sermon was about the attitude in serving. Giving it your all with a joyful spirit.
A Bible verse from World Mandate that stood out to me was James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009, what a year.
2009 came and went.
Reflecting on this last day of 2009, my thoughts immediately go to my mom. She is bringing in the second phase of her life in the presence of her Savior. Forever.
Meanwhile, back here in phase 1, I am living the day to day wanting Christ to be my life. Yesterday I was reading Colossians 3. It is very rich. Col 3:1 says to "set your hearts on things above, where Christ is." My prayer for this year is to set my affections on Him.
Verse 4 says "Christ, who is your life..." My question is: Is He?
I want Him to be my life.
Other highlights of 2009 include:
*moving-which has been such blessing. We love our home and the area of town.
*the girls going to another school. They have adjusted well and God has brought them some really neat friends.
*BSF. We are going through the book of John. Next year is the book of Isaiah, cannot wait.
*Crazy Love bible study. We are hosting it in our home and absolutely love the people that God has brought together.
*Lifegroup. It is a blessing to have these friends to "do life" with.
*Running. It has been awesome to run (or jog or walk) and to share this hobby with Melody, a sweet friend whom God has put in my life. Our moms are/were the same age and we are going through some of the same stuff, unexpectedly. We find stuff to laugh about and just vent.
*Cindy. She went on the STARS retreat in October before everything happened with mom. Wow. God is so good. His timing is so perfect. Our relationship has never been better and I cannot imagine life without her. She is going to join Concordia in January and she comes for the Crazy Love bible study. God has provided some really awesome ladies from church for her to be friends with and it is so sweet.
*Mike. When I think of miracles, I look at one everyday. What God has done in our lives and marriage is nothing short of a miracle. All of the glory goes to the One who pulled us from the pit. Grace. Undeserved. I love this man that God has given me more today than ever. That is not to say we do not have any valleys, misunderstandings, arguments...but we do not stay there. I think that is the point. To humbly keep moving forward.
2010.
What will it bring?
Reflecting on this last day of 2009, my thoughts immediately go to my mom. She is bringing in the second phase of her life in the presence of her Savior. Forever.
Meanwhile, back here in phase 1, I am living the day to day wanting Christ to be my life. Yesterday I was reading Colossians 3. It is very rich. Col 3:1 says to "set your hearts on things above, where Christ is." My prayer for this year is to set my affections on Him.
Verse 4 says "Christ, who is your life..." My question is: Is He?
I want Him to be my life.
Other highlights of 2009 include:
*moving-which has been such blessing. We love our home and the area of town.
*the girls going to another school. They have adjusted well and God has brought them some really neat friends.
*BSF. We are going through the book of John. Next year is the book of Isaiah, cannot wait.
*Crazy Love bible study. We are hosting it in our home and absolutely love the people that God has brought together.
*Lifegroup. It is a blessing to have these friends to "do life" with.
*Running. It has been awesome to run (or jog or walk) and to share this hobby with Melody, a sweet friend whom God has put in my life. Our moms are/were the same age and we are going through some of the same stuff, unexpectedly. We find stuff to laugh about and just vent.
*Cindy. She went on the STARS retreat in October before everything happened with mom. Wow. God is so good. His timing is so perfect. Our relationship has never been better and I cannot imagine life without her. She is going to join Concordia in January and she comes for the Crazy Love bible study. God has provided some really awesome ladies from church for her to be friends with and it is so sweet.
*Mike. When I think of miracles, I look at one everyday. What God has done in our lives and marriage is nothing short of a miracle. All of the glory goes to the One who pulled us from the pit. Grace. Undeserved. I love this man that God has given me more today than ever. That is not to say we do not have any valleys, misunderstandings, arguments...but we do not stay there. I think that is the point. To humbly keep moving forward.
2010.
What will it bring?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Mom December 19, 1948-November 7, 2009
Mom died on November 7 at 1015 in the morning at Odyssey Hospice. Cindy got the honor to be there when she opened her eyes, smiled and took her last breath. That smile remained on her face and it was a gift from God. I know Who she was smiling at, and I know He was smiling back at her, with His arms wide open welcoming His precious daughter home.
I find myself thinking of mom often. I think "I wonder what she is doing in heaven right now." I find myself wanting to be there too, not in the "end my life now" sense, but the "I can't wait to go" sense.
I find myself crying at the craziest things. Tonight I had to throw away some of the flowers from her service and it made me so sad. It was a reminder that life does go on, of course having 2 little girls and a husband and a job and everything else is a reminder also. But I want to slow down. I want to tell God that I love my mom and would He please make sure that she knows that.
Here is my eulogy that I read at mom's memorial service.
So much has happened the last few years, but as I stand here now, it seems so fleeting. As James 4: 14 says “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
What was my mom’s life? She did not have the best childhood, in fact, I dare say it was a childhood I would not wish on anybody. Yet by the grace of God, she married, had two girls and made sure we went to church and Sunday School every Sunday. She loved the Lord. That is what I want to take away from her life.
Some things that mom loved in her life:
Horses and books on horses
Drawing and books on drawing
Cooking and books on cooking
Do it yourself and books about doing it yourself
God and many, many books on God by many, many different authors
She loved to read and now all of her books are in my garage. Cindy and I are going to have to organize all of her books with a card catalogue and the Dewey Decimal System.
Many of you will remember mom rocking on her rocking chair in her wrangler jeans, plaid shirt, vest, boots and baseball cap. Obviously Cindy and I didn’t inherit her sense of style. But she was very content with what she had.
At the end, all she wanted to do was to go to church. She loved to talk with Mike about the Lord. She basically was a captive audience for him, so he could talk as long as he wanted about God, his favorite subject.
I just wanted to share some personal thoughts written at my mom’s bedside.
This is taken from my journal and it sums up my thoughts about my mom:
This morning is beautiful. Cindy made her peace with mom last night. I feel at peace. Regrets I have are not taking more pictures of mom the last couple of years. I regret not being more patient in my thoughts when mom would repeat herself or could not remember how to get to the bathroom. However, I am far more thankful than regretful. I am thankful that Cindy and I got the opportunity to take care of mom the last few years. I am thankful to know her wishes for the end of her life. Psalm 116:7 “Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” When mom died, she opened her eyes and smiled. No doubt Who she was smiling at. Psalm 116:15 “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints”
Thank you mom for raising us to love the Lord. You planted the seed, and it took. I love the Lord with all of my heart. I will see you again without a doubt.
I am sorry this disease took your mental capacities. I am sorry that you don’t get to see your grandchildren grow up. But know that Mike and I are raising Lisa and Katie to love the Lord and to serve Him. Please know that Cindy and I are closer now than we have ever been. She is on the road in her walk with Christ and Mike and I will be on that road with her. You are at peace. A peace that passes all understanding, but one day we will understand. And we will all rejoice together with Jesus Christ.
As the Apostle Paul said in
Philipians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
It was a beautiful service. Many of the ladies from Concordia and the STARS retreat surprised us and came and sang a beautiful song "Daughter's Praise." Pastor Zach gave a wonderful message that preached the gospel, something that mom would have wanted. We had a nice little reception here at the house and now it is time to grieve and be joyful. Mom truly is in a far better place.
I find myself thinking of mom often. I think "I wonder what she is doing in heaven right now." I find myself wanting to be there too, not in the "end my life now" sense, but the "I can't wait to go" sense.
I find myself crying at the craziest things. Tonight I had to throw away some of the flowers from her service and it made me so sad. It was a reminder that life does go on, of course having 2 little girls and a husband and a job and everything else is a reminder also. But I want to slow down. I want to tell God that I love my mom and would He please make sure that she knows that.
Here is my eulogy that I read at mom's memorial service.
So much has happened the last few years, but as I stand here now, it seems so fleeting. As James 4: 14 says “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
What was my mom’s life? She did not have the best childhood, in fact, I dare say it was a childhood I would not wish on anybody. Yet by the grace of God, she married, had two girls and made sure we went to church and Sunday School every Sunday. She loved the Lord. That is what I want to take away from her life.
Some things that mom loved in her life:
Horses and books on horses
Drawing and books on drawing
Cooking and books on cooking
Do it yourself and books about doing it yourself
God and many, many books on God by many, many different authors
She loved to read and now all of her books are in my garage. Cindy and I are going to have to organize all of her books with a card catalogue and the Dewey Decimal System.
Many of you will remember mom rocking on her rocking chair in her wrangler jeans, plaid shirt, vest, boots and baseball cap. Obviously Cindy and I didn’t inherit her sense of style. But she was very content with what she had.
At the end, all she wanted to do was to go to church. She loved to talk with Mike about the Lord. She basically was a captive audience for him, so he could talk as long as he wanted about God, his favorite subject.
I just wanted to share some personal thoughts written at my mom’s bedside.
This is taken from my journal and it sums up my thoughts about my mom:
This morning is beautiful. Cindy made her peace with mom last night. I feel at peace. Regrets I have are not taking more pictures of mom the last couple of years. I regret not being more patient in my thoughts when mom would repeat herself or could not remember how to get to the bathroom. However, I am far more thankful than regretful. I am thankful that Cindy and I got the opportunity to take care of mom the last few years. I am thankful to know her wishes for the end of her life. Psalm 116:7 “Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” When mom died, she opened her eyes and smiled. No doubt Who she was smiling at. Psalm 116:15 “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints”
Thank you mom for raising us to love the Lord. You planted the seed, and it took. I love the Lord with all of my heart. I will see you again without a doubt.
I am sorry this disease took your mental capacities. I am sorry that you don’t get to see your grandchildren grow up. But know that Mike and I are raising Lisa and Katie to love the Lord and to serve Him. Please know that Cindy and I are closer now than we have ever been. She is on the road in her walk with Christ and Mike and I will be on that road with her. You are at peace. A peace that passes all understanding, but one day we will understand. And we will all rejoice together with Jesus Christ.
As the Apostle Paul said in
Philipians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
It was a beautiful service. Many of the ladies from Concordia and the STARS retreat surprised us and came and sang a beautiful song "Daughter's Praise." Pastor Zach gave a wonderful message that preached the gospel, something that mom would have wanted. We had a nice little reception here at the house and now it is time to grieve and be joyful. Mom truly is in a far better place.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Mom
Mom is in hospice now. The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of unexpected news, big decisions and trusting God.
It is amazing how fast life goes, that tomorrow is not promised to us. Of course, Gods word tells us this. "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:15
Yesterday I planned the funeral for mom. It was not difficult for she has given us her wishes. She does not want her life to be prolonged, she wants to be cremated. I found in her Bible a note left for me and Cindy that said she did not want a funeral, but a celebration. That she is with Jesus Christ and we will see her again one day.
I will write soon all of the ways God in His mercy has guided us, comforted us and let us have closure. How everything happened. Now we just wait for her final breath.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7
It is amazing how fast life goes, that tomorrow is not promised to us. Of course, Gods word tells us this. "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:15
Yesterday I planned the funeral for mom. It was not difficult for she has given us her wishes. She does not want her life to be prolonged, she wants to be cremated. I found in her Bible a note left for me and Cindy that said she did not want a funeral, but a celebration. That she is with Jesus Christ and we will see her again one day.
I will write soon all of the ways God in His mercy has guided us, comforted us and let us have closure. How everything happened. Now we just wait for her final breath.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7
Monday, July 27, 2009
A quote
Zeal!!
"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made I'm a disciple of his. I won't look back, let up. Slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving and dwarfed goals."
"I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power."-
Words of a young pastor in Zimbabwe, Africa, later martyred for his faith in Christ
"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made I'm a disciple of his. I won't look back, let up. Slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving and dwarfed goals."
"I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power."-
Words of a young pastor in Zimbabwe, Africa, later martyred for his faith in Christ
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Living for Jesus/ Stepping out of the boat
1 John 2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
What does it mean to walk as Jesus did?
How do I do this?
How much time do I spend with Him in order to know Him?
How much do I want to be like Him?
These are the thoughts going through my mind. These are the desires of my heart. Then my day begins, the girls argue, my patience grows thin, I start to feel insecure.
The story of Jesus walking on water came afresh for me. I love how God does that. The story I have heard since childhood seems so deep and relevant.
Matthew 14:22-33
Jesus Walks on the Water
22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance[a] from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. (Mark 6:48 says that Jesus saw the the disciples straining at the oars because the wind was against them--I love that Jesus was watching them)
25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why do you doubt?"(who did Peter doubt--I think he doubted himself of following Jesus or was it the insecurity that arises when you take your focus off of Christ and put it on the situation or surroundings at hand?)
32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Peter had the courage to step out of the boat and try the impossible. Do I?
Dear Lord,
Please give me the courage to walk as you walked, to be a devoted disciple, to have faith to step out of the boat. Help us to live for You in our culture.
What does it mean to walk as Jesus did?
How do I do this?
How much time do I spend with Him in order to know Him?
How much do I want to be like Him?
These are the thoughts going through my mind. These are the desires of my heart. Then my day begins, the girls argue, my patience grows thin, I start to feel insecure.
The story of Jesus walking on water came afresh for me. I love how God does that. The story I have heard since childhood seems so deep and relevant.
Matthew 14:22-33
Jesus Walks on the Water
22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance[a] from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. (Mark 6:48 says that Jesus saw the the disciples straining at the oars because the wind was against them--I love that Jesus was watching them)
25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why do you doubt?"(who did Peter doubt--I think he doubted himself of following Jesus or was it the insecurity that arises when you take your focus off of Christ and put it on the situation or surroundings at hand?)
32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Peter had the courage to step out of the boat and try the impossible. Do I?
Dear Lord,
Please give me the courage to walk as you walked, to be a devoted disciple, to have faith to step out of the boat. Help us to live for You in our culture.
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