I have been meaning to get on here and type what is up--but alas, time has gotten away from me.
And now it is nearing the end of August, school has started for the girls and for Mike and July totally flew by.
I just want to get this out: My girls are tweens and are driving me to the edge. Lord, help me.
Emotions, hormones, attitudes (and those are just mine--hehe). Not really, mine have been stable for a while and having the hysterectomy did not affect them at all--just don't ask Mike, he may have another opinion :-) I am ecstatically happy that I don't have to mess with all those female issues!
Last night we went to a surprise birthday party for a friend and there were a lot of really cute little kids there--pretty much all under the age of 5. My girls were both teaming up against me since Mike was at his school orientation in El Paso. So I have these little tweens (K is almost 11 and L is 12 years) giving me the cold shoulder, drawing the imaginary line in the sand, pushing the limits, testing me. These moms were dealing with temper tantrums, biting, hitting, "no's" and everything else that is exhausting at that age. Last night I wanted to go back to that stage of parenting. Sometimes, (maybe most times) I just don't feel equipped to deal with this stuff. I feel like I will lose it and say something that they will remember and it will scar them for life. Or worse, they will say "I don't ever want to be like my mom."
It is not that I want to be their best friend--not in the least. But I do want to be a godly mom. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit and parent out of that--not out of self--because that is when I blow it. Parenting is humbling, that is for sure.
I started reading a book called "Unglued" by Lisa Terkeurst. It is about making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions. Wise choices--stay calm, don't yell, don't let what I am thinking come out of my lips when I am angry, don't be sarcastic.
I am very excited about this book--it is perfectly timed for me. As a reminder of why I need to read this book, I became unglued about 5 pages into it--yup--UNGLUED. As I was getting into this state of being I was even aware of it--UGH!
Not everything has been in disarray! I have also been writing out the Psalms this summer. I am currently on Psalm 71 and it is a rich way to dig into God's word. I have picked up on so many things that I just skimmed over or never even really read. It is amazing how God's Word speaks. It is alive and active.
Hebrews 4: 12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
I started working at my old job with Baptist and love it!! It is in the quality department and right now my big project is the mortality review. I have to answer the question: Could this patient have survived this hospitalization? 100% of the deaths have to be reviewed. Having ER and hospice experience has come in handy!
I don't want to close this without saying that I absolutely love my girls and their daddy from the bottom of my heart. My prayer for them is that they love the Lord with ALL of their hearts and they follow hard after Him. My prayer for me is that I am the mother and the wife that God wants me to be, that I am daily filled with His Spirit so that I can do this parenting and marriage thing and at the end hear the words "Well done good and faithful servant."
