I started as a hospice RN in April, unsure of what I am doing, but feeling led by God to do this. I NEVER had any aspirations, goals, dreams or desire to be a hospice nurse. In fact, I was on the other end of the spectrum "stay away from the light..." I was an ER nurse. But my thinking has totally changed.
I have 11 patients that I case manage. I find myself thinking about death alot now. The Bible says that we are eternally minded.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.
Do my patients know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior?
That is the only question that will matter when we die.
Mike and I attended a training class taught by a wonderful pastor friend who helped us in our darkest hour. It is missional worker training and basically teaches that we are all missionaries. We have "our people" that we have relationships with who we influence with the love of Jesus. Our family, neighbors, co-workers, patients.
We were asked "Why Jesus?"
Because He saved me. He changed me. He chose me. He loves me. He died for me, so I should live for Him.
What are ways we bring the presence of Jesus to people?
By listening. Being interested in their lives. We must develop a spirit of quietness and listening. Don't try to change and be judgemental. God is the judge. Don't try to "fix" them. Let God be God. I am just the vessel and instrument to show the love of Christ.
Two weekends ago was the spring Women's STARS retreat. It was also my first Mother's Day without my mom. I didn't think that would bother me, but one of my patients who I met on the day before the retreat, has my mom's same diagnosis and looks like my mom did. I went home and cried--really hard. It was therapeutic. Mike and I got to talk and pray, it was a beautiful time.
I gave my testimony (reconciliation), gave an introduction for Laura and for Melody. I got the honor to be a co-table leader again. I was the nurse and spent the first night in the ER with Vickie who has 5 fractures in her foot after an accident on the very first event of the retreat. This was by far the hardest retreat I have ever been on. On many levels there was spiritual warfare happening. Total exhaustion, giving my testimony, being the nurse and having a prayer partner who did not want to be there, was extremely negative and especially harsh in her word choices to me. It was fun being with Vickie in the infirmary all weekend, but I did not feel like I was part of the team. As a bonus, I got to come home to my youngest child with a case of lice. Good times!! Late nights!! Fine tooth combs and lots of laundry!!
But all is good and I really have managed to laugh at this stuff. God is good.
I loved serving on team. I have made some incredible friends and am extremely blessed by the women God has put in my life.
God reminded me when I was about to give my testimony that my history is His Story. He saved Mike. He saved me. He saved our marriage. I wish my past was perfect and that I followed Him my entire life. But in my story, I found His mercies, His grace and His forgiveness. I found His love. He never lost me--He was always there.