I started as a hospice RN in April, unsure of what I am doing, but feeling led by God to do this. I NEVER had any aspirations, goals, dreams or desire to be a hospice nurse. In fact, I was on the other end of the spectrum "stay away from the light..." I was an ER nurse. But my thinking has totally changed.
I have 11 patients that I case manage. I find myself thinking about death alot now. The Bible says that we are eternally minded. Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has also set eternity in the hearts of men.
Do my patients know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior?
That is the only question that will matter when we die.
Mike and I attended a training class taught by a wonderful pastor friend who helped us in our darkest hour. It is missional worker training and basically teaches that we are all missionaries. We have "our people" that we have relationships with who we influence with the love of Jesus. Our family, neighbors, co-workers, patients.
We were asked "Why Jesus?"
Because He saved me. He changed me. He chose me. He loves me. He died for me, so I should live for Him.
What are ways we bring the presence of Jesus to people?
By listening. Being interested in their lives. We must develop a spirit of quietness and listening. Don't try to change and be judgemental. God is the judge. Don't try to "fix" them. Let God be God. I am just the vessel and instrument to show the love of Christ.
Two weekends ago was the spring Women's STARS retreat. It was also my first Mother's Day without my mom. I didn't think that would bother me, but one of my patients who I met on the day before the retreat, has my mom's same diagnosis and looks like my mom did. I went home and cried--really hard. It was therapeutic. Mike and I got to talk and pray, it was a beautiful time.
I gave my testimony (reconciliation), gave an introduction for Laura and for Melody. I got the honor to be a co-table leader again. I was the nurse and spent the first night in the ER with Vickie who has 5 fractures in her foot after an accident on the very first event of the retreat. This was by far the hardest retreat I have ever been on. On many levels there was spiritual warfare happening. Total exhaustion, giving my testimony, being the nurse and having a prayer partner who did not want to be there, was extremely negative and especially harsh in her word choices to me. It was fun being with Vickie in the infirmary all weekend, but I did not feel like I was part of the team. As a bonus, I got to come home to my youngest child with a case of lice. Good times!! Late nights!! Fine tooth combs and lots of laundry!!
But all is good and I really have managed to laugh at this stuff. God is good.
I loved serving on team. I have made some incredible friends and am extremely blessed by the women God has put in my life.
God reminded me when I was about to give my testimony that my history is His Story. He saved Mike. He saved me. He saved our marriage. I wish my past was perfect and that I followed Him my entire life. But in my story, I found His mercies, His grace and His forgiveness. I found His love. He never lost me--He was always there.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Spring time fun
Life has sure been busy around here. The last leg of the school year, new job with hospice, BSF, Katie's soccer, Lisa's art, Griefshare, STARS retreat team (I am giving my testimony and will be a table leader and the nurse.) There will be so much to share in the near future about my job and the retreat, but for now here is a short recap of what we've been up to.
We had a long weekend at the coast last weekend. It was nice to get away.
We were able to bring the kayak again and this time actually get it off the top of the suburban. The last time it was so windy that we could not even take the thing down. Speaking of wind, I went for a run on the beach and headed off, it was so...easy, relaxing, even fun. But then, I turned around to come back to our spot and it was...hard, not relaxing, and fun had escaped my mind. It was a work-out.
The girls were VERY excited to give this kayaking a shot.
Lisa and Katie were not happy with the tipping of the kayak. It scared them and neither one of them have the desire to kayak again. At least for this trip. They seem to have short term memories on some things. At least they weren't out too deep and they had their life jackets on and their daddy was right there to help them out:-)
On Saturday I got to go to the Beth Moore Simulcast "So Long Insecurity." It was a great simulcast that I attended in Rockport. It was based on Ephesians 4: 17-24:
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off you old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to like God in true righteousness and holiness.
We had a long weekend at the coast last weekend. It was nice to get away.
We were able to bring the kayak again and this time actually get it off the top of the suburban. The last time it was so windy that we could not even take the thing down. Speaking of wind, I went for a run on the beach and headed off, it was so...easy, relaxing, even fun. But then, I turned around to come back to our spot and it was...hard, not relaxing, and fun had escaped my mind. It was a work-out.
The girls were VERY excited to give this kayaking a shot.
There they go. Fun times ready to be had by all.
Oh no! What happened to the fun times?
Lisa and Katie were not happy with the tipping of the kayak. It scared them and neither one of them have the desire to kayak again. At least for this trip. They seem to have short term memories on some things. At least they weren't out too deep and they had their life jackets on and their daddy was right there to help them out:-)
On Saturday I got to go to the Beth Moore Simulcast "So Long Insecurity." It was a great simulcast that I attended in Rockport. It was based on Ephesians 4: 17-24:
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off you old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to like God in true righteousness and holiness.
6 statements that describe a secure woman based on Ephesians 4.
A secure woman is:
S-saved from herself (insecurity is idolatrous self interest; God's security takes us out of ourselves, security makes us think less often of ourselves)
E-entitled to truth (deceitful desires: if I could just have this, achieve this, be this...then I would be secure, perfectionism is an insecurity at an art form) Eph 4:21
C-clothed with intention (Be intentional, we will not walk in security accidentally, Prov 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity)
U-upended by grace ( grace them as Christ Jesus has graced me; people who believe they are deeply graced deeply grace others)
R-rebounded by love (Jesus loves me THIS I KNOW, we are loved, live like a dearly loved child)
E-exceptional in life--this one was my favorite. Let Christ overtake me so I will be secure in my relationships, work life, church life, social life--then I will stick out like a healthy thumb and people will want to know what my hope is.
Some example were: everyone is out for her own...except her
no one can handle that...except her
no one can handle that...except her
nobody was nice...except her
nobody handles aging well...except her
threatened by other women....except her
Be the exception. What is it about you? Jesus
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Overwhelmed and Inadequate (how's that for a catchy title)
Time is just going by so fast and I sit for a moment and think that if I would have done this or that I would be done by now. If I got organized, really organized, that I would not feel so overwhelmed so much of the time.
The past few weeks I have been in a state of insecurity like I haven't been in for a while. I question every single decision I am making--little ones like what to make for dinner to big ones like did I make the right decision to leave my job at Baptist. There is so much unknown and I wish that God would just say audibly--"this is what I want you to do."
I am feeling insecure as a mom. The girls are getting so big and I don't want them to have the same issues I did. I want to have a relationship with them that I didn't get to have with my mom. I want them to love God with every fiber of their being and to find husbands that love God with every fiber of their being. It is scary to see the world they are growing up in and it is making me feel like if we don't prepare them for what is out there, they will follow the crowd.
It feels like all I do is discipline. Or keep on them for everything like brushing teeth and picking up behind themselves. I try to have light, fun conversations with them but then they start to pick on each other and before I know it--the moment is over and discipline is required. Takes all of the fun out of it.
Mike and I had a difficult week. We are good now, but it just reminds me that we are both flawed human beings expecting the other one not to be flawed. Communication is so vital to a marriage, that it is almost hilarious that men and women communicate so differently. Being humble and holding ones tongue is also so vital. Of course, sometimes the humility comes only after you didn't hold your tongue:-)
Even though I am going through this...valley of sorts, I will not stay here. I will learn what I need to learn, apply it and move on.
I am incredibly thankful for this Holy Week. Jesus took all of my sins and flaws upon Himself and paid the price so that I can live eternally in His presence. How do I give thanks? I can't in my own strength. But I can go on to live a life of thanks and to remain in His Spirit. To let the Holy Spirit have control at all times, especially in the most difficult of times--like marriage and parenting-which I am learning is not for the faint of heart--and they both bring out every single insecurity that plagues me. I am extremely grateful for where God has placed me, the people He has given me to love, nurture, pray for and yes, discipline when needed.
Lord, deliver me from these feelings of being inadequate and insecure. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Be my strength in weakness. Give me the power to trust You in all areas.
In Jesus' saving name, amen
The past few weeks I have been in a state of insecurity like I haven't been in for a while. I question every single decision I am making--little ones like what to make for dinner to big ones like did I make the right decision to leave my job at Baptist. There is so much unknown and I wish that God would just say audibly--"this is what I want you to do."
I am feeling insecure as a mom. The girls are getting so big and I don't want them to have the same issues I did. I want to have a relationship with them that I didn't get to have with my mom. I want them to love God with every fiber of their being and to find husbands that love God with every fiber of their being. It is scary to see the world they are growing up in and it is making me feel like if we don't prepare them for what is out there, they will follow the crowd.
It feels like all I do is discipline. Or keep on them for everything like brushing teeth and picking up behind themselves. I try to have light, fun conversations with them but then they start to pick on each other and before I know it--the moment is over and discipline is required. Takes all of the fun out of it.
Mike and I had a difficult week. We are good now, but it just reminds me that we are both flawed human beings expecting the other one not to be flawed. Communication is so vital to a marriage, that it is almost hilarious that men and women communicate so differently. Being humble and holding ones tongue is also so vital. Of course, sometimes the humility comes only after you didn't hold your tongue:-)
Even though I am going through this...valley of sorts, I will not stay here. I will learn what I need to learn, apply it and move on.
I am incredibly thankful for this Holy Week. Jesus took all of my sins and flaws upon Himself and paid the price so that I can live eternally in His presence. How do I give thanks? I can't in my own strength. But I can go on to live a life of thanks and to remain in His Spirit. To let the Holy Spirit have control at all times, especially in the most difficult of times--like marriage and parenting-which I am learning is not for the faint of heart--and they both bring out every single insecurity that plagues me. I am extremely grateful for where God has placed me, the people He has given me to love, nurture, pray for and yes, discipline when needed.
Lord, deliver me from these feelings of being inadequate and insecure. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Be my strength in weakness. Give me the power to trust You in all areas.
In Jesus' saving name, amen
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Spring Break and Life Decisions
This is spring break week and this is what we have done:
1.) Lots of yard work--Mike took the leaf blower and blew the trillion leaves into piles and the girls and I took them via garbage cans to the back and we have a huge pile that we will take out every Tuesday and Thursday until the pile is gone--which I am guessing will be around 2011.
2.) We are being entertained by Katie's three class mice: Mrs. Jumpy, Spot, Speedy. Katie's teacher sent out an e-mail asking for volunteer's to watch the mice over spring break. Mike and I thought it would be fun for the girls, but I also thought there would be a lot of volunteers. Wrong. Not even one--except us. So as I am carrying the aquarium with the three "homeless for spring break" mice out to the car, Katie's friends and classmates were saying "Katie, you are so lucky!!" as their parents were smiling and I'm sure thinking "glad it's you and not me." I clarified what the liability of the life of the mice was before we agreed to bring them home to two excited girls and two cats. We have no worries:-)
3.) Dentist appointment. All is good for another 6 months.
4.) Cleaning out closets, washing windows, getting oil changed in truck, trying to be domesticated I suppose.
5.) Deciding what my next job in life is going to be. Last Friday was my last day as a quality coordinator. I am hired by Mike's company to work home health and there is a hospice company that I am interested in. My heart is really leaning toward hospice. Our experience with mom was so beautiful and I felt so close to the Lord during that time. I know that I can do hospice. I am just not sure the time is right now. Cindy and I are in week 3 of Griefshare and it is very good. We have had two friends in the last week ask about our experience with hospice. One of our friends, her mom was in hospice for 1 1/2 days before going home to be with the Lord. The other just went home on hospice yesterday. I love to talk about it and to talk about God and how He gave us Psalm 116 at that time.
6.) Having fun with the girls. We did manicures today. It has been fun to stay around home and do things with the stuff we already have.
Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it."
1.) Lots of yard work--Mike took the leaf blower and blew the trillion leaves into piles and the girls and I took them via garbage cans to the back and we have a huge pile that we will take out every Tuesday and Thursday until the pile is gone--which I am guessing will be around 2011.
2.) We are being entertained by Katie's three class mice: Mrs. Jumpy, Spot, Speedy. Katie's teacher sent out an e-mail asking for volunteer's to watch the mice over spring break. Mike and I thought it would be fun for the girls, but I also thought there would be a lot of volunteers. Wrong. Not even one--except us. So as I am carrying the aquarium with the three "homeless for spring break" mice out to the car, Katie's friends and classmates were saying "Katie, you are so lucky!!" as their parents were smiling and I'm sure thinking "glad it's you and not me." I clarified what the liability of the life of the mice was before we agreed to bring them home to two excited girls and two cats. We have no worries:-)
3.) Dentist appointment. All is good for another 6 months.
4.) Cleaning out closets, washing windows, getting oil changed in truck, trying to be domesticated I suppose.
5.) Deciding what my next job in life is going to be. Last Friday was my last day as a quality coordinator. I am hired by Mike's company to work home health and there is a hospice company that I am interested in. My heart is really leaning toward hospice. Our experience with mom was so beautiful and I felt so close to the Lord during that time. I know that I can do hospice. I am just not sure the time is right now. Cindy and I are in week 3 of Griefshare and it is very good. We have had two friends in the last week ask about our experience with hospice. One of our friends, her mom was in hospice for 1 1/2 days before going home to be with the Lord. The other just went home on hospice yesterday. I love to talk about it and to talk about God and how He gave us Psalm 116 at that time.
6.) Having fun with the girls. We did manicures today. It has been fun to stay around home and do things with the stuff we already have.
Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it."
Sunday, February 28, 2010
So Long February
I can't believe that February 2010 is over.
I turned 38 on the 15th. It was not a big deal. Birthdays have not been a big deal to me. I didn't think that it would be hard since mom died, but it turned out to be a little more difficult than I anticipated. I grieved her loss. The loss of the woman who brought me into the world, nourished me, taught me, disciplined me, loved me. I rejoiced over knowing without a doubt where she is and that one day we will be reunited.
I had some surgery to help with some female issues I had been having. I was nervous about it, but it all went rather smooth and I think that the results will be well worth it.
Mike bought me Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us.
It was really good although I don't want to say I read a good book and that's where it ends. I am working on change. On not being insecure.
My insecurities at this time in my life are fear of looking/sounding stupid or foolish or dumb, self-doubt, and being too sensitive. I need restoration. I am praying for God to do make me into what He meant me to be. He did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. I am asking Him to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that I have caused myself like pride, selfishness, even thinking too little of myself which is a form of pride. I ask Him to convict me instantly when insecurity is of my own making. I ask Him to flood my life with purpose and and compassion, for Him to be my strength in weakness.
My last day at my current job is March 12. I am excited to start something different, a new challenge, and to only work part-time. I cannot wait to be a little more involved in school and Women's Bible Study, to be able to be home a little bit more, to get involved more with the girls school life. I am a little nervous for only 1 1/2 incomes instead of the 2 full time incomes, but Mike has been a great financial leader in our home and we should be able to do this without difficulty. Thank you Lord.
The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whos waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
I turned 38 on the 15th. It was not a big deal. Birthdays have not been a big deal to me. I didn't think that it would be hard since mom died, but it turned out to be a little more difficult than I anticipated. I grieved her loss. The loss of the woman who brought me into the world, nourished me, taught me, disciplined me, loved me. I rejoiced over knowing without a doubt where she is and that one day we will be reunited.
I had some surgery to help with some female issues I had been having. I was nervous about it, but it all went rather smooth and I think that the results will be well worth it.
Mike bought me Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity, you've been a bad friend to us.
It was really good although I don't want to say I read a good book and that's where it ends. I am working on change. On not being insecure.
My insecurities at this time in my life are fear of looking/sounding stupid or foolish or dumb, self-doubt, and being too sensitive. I need restoration. I am praying for God to do make me into what He meant me to be. He did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. I am asking Him to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that I have caused myself like pride, selfishness, even thinking too little of myself which is a form of pride. I ask Him to convict me instantly when insecurity is of my own making. I ask Him to flood my life with purpose and and compassion, for Him to be my strength in weakness.
My last day at my current job is March 12. I am excited to start something different, a new challenge, and to only work part-time. I cannot wait to be a little more involved in school and Women's Bible Study, to be able to be home a little bit more, to get involved more with the girls school life. I am a little nervous for only 1 1/2 incomes instead of the 2 full time incomes, but Mike has been a great financial leader in our home and we should be able to do this without difficulty. Thank you Lord.
The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whos waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
Monday, February 1, 2010
Weekend recap
This past weekend Mike and I got to go up to Waco to the World Mandate. It was held on the campus of Baylor University and there were about 3000 people in attendance. The theme was "Let Your Kingdom Come."
It is about the idea of God's presence, about serving, missionary work, being not just the "head" of Jesus, but being his hands and feet. It was about what breaks God's heart--the pain in this world--orphans, famine, addiction, any dark place.
There was great worship music, lots of prayer and missionaries did some teaching.
Highlights of the messages:
-Go to the places of pain where people are, in their addiction, difficulties of life, the dark places. Those are the places where God is and He wants to show mercy and grace. God is at work in the pain, He wants to heal and restore. He does that in our lives and we are to take that and help others out in their pain.
-This life is not about all that we can gather, rather it should be about what we can give away.
-God is looking for obedient people. We are not His disciples if we are not obeying.
We headed back on Sunday morning and made it back to church in time for our service. I couldn't believe that our sermon was about serving. Actually, I guess that I can believe that. God likes to do things like that, to make sure we are getting the message.
What I got from our sermon was about the attitude in serving. Giving it your all with a joyful spirit.
A Bible verse from World Mandate that stood out to me was James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
It is about the idea of God's presence, about serving, missionary work, being not just the "head" of Jesus, but being his hands and feet. It was about what breaks God's heart--the pain in this world--orphans, famine, addiction, any dark place.
There was great worship music, lots of prayer and missionaries did some teaching.
Highlights of the messages:
-Go to the places of pain where people are, in their addiction, difficulties of life, the dark places. Those are the places where God is and He wants to show mercy and grace. God is at work in the pain, He wants to heal and restore. He does that in our lives and we are to take that and help others out in their pain.
-This life is not about all that we can gather, rather it should be about what we can give away.
-God is looking for obedient people. We are not His disciples if we are not obeying.
We headed back on Sunday morning and made it back to church in time for our service. I couldn't believe that our sermon was about serving. Actually, I guess that I can believe that. God likes to do things like that, to make sure we are getting the message.
What I got from our sermon was about the attitude in serving. Giving it your all with a joyful spirit.
A Bible verse from World Mandate that stood out to me was James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
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