Time is just going by so fast and I sit for a moment and think that if I would have done this or that I would be done by now. If I got organized, really organized, that I would not feel so overwhelmed so much of the time.
The past few weeks I have been in a state of insecurity like I haven't been in for a while. I question every single decision I am making--little ones like what to make for dinner to big ones like did I make the right decision to leave my job at Baptist. There is so much unknown and I wish that God would just say audibly--"this is what I want you to do."
I am feeling insecure as a mom. The girls are getting so big and I don't want them to have the same issues I did. I want to have a relationship with them that I didn't get to have with my mom. I want them to love God with every fiber of their being and to find husbands that love God with every fiber of their being. It is scary to see the world they are growing up in and it is making me feel like if we don't prepare them for what is out there, they will follow the crowd.
It feels like all I do is discipline. Or keep on them for everything like brushing teeth and picking up behind themselves. I try to have light, fun conversations with them but then they start to pick on each other and before I know it--the moment is over and discipline is required. Takes all of the fun out of it.
Mike and I had a difficult week. We are good now, but it just reminds me that we are both flawed human beings expecting the other one not to be flawed. Communication is so vital to a marriage, that it is almost hilarious that men and women communicate so differently. Being humble and holding ones tongue is also so vital. Of course, sometimes the humility comes only after you didn't hold your tongue:-)
Even though I am going through this...valley of sorts, I will not stay here. I will learn what I need to learn, apply it and move on.
I am incredibly thankful for this Holy Week. Jesus took all of my sins and flaws upon Himself and paid the price so that I can live eternally in His presence. How do I give thanks? I can't in my own strength. But I can go on to live a life of thanks and to remain in His Spirit. To let the Holy Spirit have control at all times, especially in the most difficult of times--like marriage and parenting-which I am learning is not for the faint of heart--and they both bring out every single insecurity that plagues me. I am extremely grateful for where God has placed me, the people He has given me to love, nurture, pray for and yes, discipline when needed.
Lord, deliver me from these feelings of being inadequate and insecure. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Be my strength in weakness. Give me the power to trust You in all areas.
In Jesus' saving name, amen
1 comment:
Sandy, I think we all feel like that. Just remember that you are a child of God. You are obedient and you're always seeking Him and His will. There's no better place to be.
On a lighter thought...I remember seeing a cross-stitched pillow at an antique store once that read...
"Raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens"
So true! Cracks me up every time I say it!
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