There is so much spinning in my mind I almost don't know where to start. I will start with the biggest change going on at this time.
Yesterday was my last day as a complex case manager at the insurance company for medicare/medicaid. I did not enjoy this job at all. Except that my best friend from high school/nursing school worked there as an educator--that was fun. We got to have lunch almost everyday and talk about faith, family, hospice. That was a huge blessing. Everything else pretty much was...kind of bad, really bad. I finally had the worst supervisor in my nursing career. Mike has had his share of them, but I have been pretty blessed with wonderful directors.
In this time of my life, I feel like I am in a "job desert". I know that God has me here for a reason.
He has been so faithful. I need to write out a few acts of His faithfulness so that I don't forget. Kind of like putting remembrance stones in place.
A couple of Mondays ago it was a very difficult morning dealing with people at work. I had turned in my resignation that previous Friday. My friend Beth texted me to let me know that God had put me on her heart and brain and figured she better check in with me. I was needing that--at that moment! I told her what had been going on and thanked her for following what God had put on her heart, because I needed to know that I was on His. She said that I can so trust that God has me covered because she had a million different things going on, but He wouldn't let her get away from thinking/praying for me. She had Romans 5:3-4 for me.
Wow. I would have never experienced that if I had not been going through that difficult time.
I feel like God is leading to learn a new clinical area. NICU/PICU. I want to go through an internship and learn how to take care of babies and children. In the ER we just learned the basics because they always got transferred out. My friend is the clinical director at BMC and said they are not hiring nurses right now, but in the fall/winter they will and the internship program starts in December. She said they are in desperate need of volunteers to rock the babies. So when the girls start school in August, I will volunteer.
I am doing a Ray Vander Laan study called Walking with God in the Desert. So timely for me. I was studying about the Israelites in the desert. Moses was "venting" to God about the people and said..."...as a nurse carries an infant." Numbers 11:12b. I don't take scripture out of context, but this one stopped me in my tracks.
I am learning that the desert is a place where God meets me, to shape and mold me to be His instrument. He shows me His sufficiency and is giving me the opportunity to draw closer to Him and to choose to be more faithful to Him.
Deuteronomy 8:2-3
Remember how the Lord you God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
This really spoke to me today. It is about motherhood as a mission field from the Desiring God Blog by a contributor named Rachel.
Here is an excerpt:
Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.
But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.
It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive.
God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.
Here is an excerpt:
Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.
But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.
It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive.
God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Top Priorities
We drove up to Fort Worth on Friday after VBS. Cindy and I laugh so much together on road trips. The dumbest things we just crack up at--laughing at ourselves. For example: The construction road sign said "Road ends merge left" I was already in the left lane and said outloud "I am in the right lane." Cindy says "you need to get in the left lane." I said "I am in the right left lane." It just sounded so funny.
We arrived at our hotel room at the Omni in downtown Fort Worth. Lisa and Katie have never stayed in such a nice room (thanks to Aunt Cindy and her frequent travels with her job, she has lots of hotel points, they even upgraded us!) The girls were overflowing with happiness. The rooms had robes...you would have thought they had never seen a robe. What we are used to staying in is an RV at the coast. At the coast, everything we use we have to bring. So we were living it up Friday evening.
Saturday we woke up, got dressed, checked out and went to eat at Waffle House. It was so good and I truly enjoyed watching them make all of the food. Such professionals, those cooks.
The funeral was different. They asked for everybody to dress casually...and they did. T-shirts, shorts, flip-flops, camouflage. I do not know if this person was saved. In his eulogy the pastor gave, there was mention of love for his family, his hobbies (beer brewing, mechanics, hunting, fishing), but not one word on his love for Christ. He spoke about God comforting the family, but no gospel. The funeral bulletin didn't even have ONE bible verse on it. Not even Psalm 23. It had a poem about being a good man...the way the world defines a good man, putting family first. That is fine, but wrong. You get to the end of life, living it for hobbies, family, work, retirement (if you live that long), savings account...all of the stuff that the world says is important.
What is the ONLY thing that matters at the end of life?
My dad said that was the best funeral he had ever been to and wants his to be just like that. Really dad? I told him my questions about this persons salvation and my dad laughed it off. It made me extremely sad.
Since Saturday I have been pondering our life (mine and Mike's mainly). Do we put Jesus first?
Then...
Our sermon today was "A Full Plate"
Luke 10:38-42
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I am so Martha. Distracted. Type A personality, wants everything done...right now.
What I appreciated about our Adult Bible Class is that serving other people is a good thing. The problem is that satan takes a good thing--service-- and twists it so that Martha is distracted from the One she is serving--Jesus Christ.
What is my top priority? We are called to serve and to work, but we need to sit at the feet of Jesus first.
From Fernando Ortega's song "Give Me Jesus", one of my very favorite songs.
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
Fernando Ortega Video --a beautiful tribute to Ruth Bell Graham.
We arrived at our hotel room at the Omni in downtown Fort Worth. Lisa and Katie have never stayed in such a nice room (thanks to Aunt Cindy and her frequent travels with her job, she has lots of hotel points, they even upgraded us!) The girls were overflowing with happiness. The rooms had robes...you would have thought they had never seen a robe. What we are used to staying in is an RV at the coast. At the coast, everything we use we have to bring. So we were living it up Friday evening.
Saturday we woke up, got dressed, checked out and went to eat at Waffle House. It was so good and I truly enjoyed watching them make all of the food. Such professionals, those cooks.
The funeral was different. They asked for everybody to dress casually...and they did. T-shirts, shorts, flip-flops, camouflage. I do not know if this person was saved. In his eulogy the pastor gave, there was mention of love for his family, his hobbies (beer brewing, mechanics, hunting, fishing), but not one word on his love for Christ. He spoke about God comforting the family, but no gospel. The funeral bulletin didn't even have ONE bible verse on it. Not even Psalm 23. It had a poem about being a good man...the way the world defines a good man, putting family first. That is fine, but wrong. You get to the end of life, living it for hobbies, family, work, retirement (if you live that long), savings account...all of the stuff that the world says is important.
What is the ONLY thing that matters at the end of life?
My dad said that was the best funeral he had ever been to and wants his to be just like that. Really dad? I told him my questions about this persons salvation and my dad laughed it off. It made me extremely sad.
Since Saturday I have been pondering our life (mine and Mike's mainly). Do we put Jesus first?
Then...
Our sermon today was "A Full Plate"
Luke 10:38-42
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I am so Martha. Distracted. Type A personality, wants everything done...right now.
What I appreciated about our Adult Bible Class is that serving other people is a good thing. The problem is that satan takes a good thing--service-- and twists it so that Martha is distracted from the One she is serving--Jesus Christ.
What is my top priority? We are called to serve and to work, but we need to sit at the feet of Jesus first.
From Fernando Ortega's song "Give Me Jesus", one of my very favorite songs.
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
Fernando Ortega Video --a beautiful tribute to Ruth Bell Graham.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
God's Timing
Last evening my cousin's husband was killed in a terrible car accident. They live in Fort Worth and she is expecting their second child. In fact, they just went for the first sonogram this past Monday and then he died on Tuesday. They also have a 2 year old daughter.
My heart is just breaking for them. Words cannot express how sad I feel for their family. For some reason when it is a traumatic death, it just seems so...unplanned. I want to say unfair, but really, do we all not deserve death.
One thing I have to remind myself is that our days are numbered.
Sometimes I am so sure of myself that my life plans are going to go just the way I want, but really, there is no promise for that. I think "I have a husband and two little girls who need me, God wouldn't take me to heaven yet. Surely He wants me here to do the job He has for me to do." But.....
It brings me back to this day.
Isaiah 55:8-9 became real to me June 15, 2009. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Cindy, the girls and I will travel up to Forth Worth on Friday for the funeral on Saturday. It reminds me that we are not guaranteed our next breath. It will all be over in an instant--but then real life will begin.
Lord, teach us to number our days aright (Psalm 90:12).
My heart is just breaking for them. Words cannot express how sad I feel for their family. For some reason when it is a traumatic death, it just seems so...unplanned. I want to say unfair, but really, do we all not deserve death.
One thing I have to remind myself is that our days are numbered.
Sometimes I am so sure of myself that my life plans are going to go just the way I want, but really, there is no promise for that. I think "I have a husband and two little girls who need me, God wouldn't take me to heaven yet. Surely He wants me here to do the job He has for me to do." But.....
It brings me back to this day.
Isaiah 55:8-9 became real to me June 15, 2009. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Cindy, the girls and I will travel up to Forth Worth on Friday for the funeral on Saturday. It reminds me that we are not guaranteed our next breath. It will all be over in an instant--but then real life will begin.
Lord, teach us to number our days aright (Psalm 90:12).
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Summer Reading
Latest books I have read this spring and summer:
I re-read the trilogy by Francine Rivers: Mark of the Lion Series. Very good. I have passed it along to some dear friends and bought the set for Lisa's 4th grade teacher as a gift. It reminded me that I am a disciple of Christ, that I serve Him no matter where I am or what my circumstances are. Another great read by Francine Rivers is Redeeming Love.
Costly Grace: A Contemporary View of Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship by Jon Walker.
Very good. Still reading it but here is a very insightful thought: If every time we sinned, we could hear the clank of hammer to nail through wrist, the devil would have a harder time selling us on his inventory of sin.
How to Study Your Bible by Kay Arthur. I am borrowing this from Sheila W. It reminds me of homiletics in BSF. So far one of the greatest points I am taking away from this book is that sometimes my main reason for being in the Word is subjective--simply to get something for myself. But my driving passion should be to know the truth and then live accordingly--to know Him and be sanctified (set apart) by His truth. To let God's word confront me so that I will see my own sin and turn from it and turn toward God. Great reminder.
In the Dust of the Rabbi by Ray Vander Laan has been my ongoing-dig-into-the-word Bible study this summer. There is a DVD that goes with this that has been really insightful also.
The girls and I are doing a Proverbs Bible study together for tweens by Vickie Courtney. We do one or two lessons per week. I have to be patient--fruit of the spirit patient--because sometimes their attention span goes out the door and then what good is Bible Study if it ends in me getting angry and sending them to bed???
I re-read the trilogy by Francine Rivers: Mark of the Lion Series. Very good. I have passed it along to some dear friends and bought the set for Lisa's 4th grade teacher as a gift. It reminded me that I am a disciple of Christ, that I serve Him no matter where I am or what my circumstances are. Another great read by Francine Rivers is Redeeming Love.
Costly Grace: A Contemporary View of Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship by Jon Walker.
Very good. Still reading it but here is a very insightful thought: If every time we sinned, we could hear the clank of hammer to nail through wrist, the devil would have a harder time selling us on his inventory of sin.
How to Study Your Bible by Kay Arthur. I am borrowing this from Sheila W. It reminds me of homiletics in BSF. So far one of the greatest points I am taking away from this book is that sometimes my main reason for being in the Word is subjective--simply to get something for myself. But my driving passion should be to know the truth and then live accordingly--to know Him and be sanctified (set apart) by His truth. To let God's word confront me so that I will see my own sin and turn from it and turn toward God. Great reminder.
In the Dust of the Rabbi by Ray Vander Laan has been my ongoing-dig-into-the-word Bible study this summer. There is a DVD that goes with this that has been really insightful also.
The girls and I are doing a Proverbs Bible study together for tweens by Vickie Courtney. We do one or two lessons per week. I have to be patient--fruit of the spirit patient--because sometimes their attention span goes out the door and then what good is Bible Study if it ends in me getting angry and sending them to bed???
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day.
How do I begin to tell of how blessed I am with this man God has given me. Let me start by telling how this Father's Day has gone down.
We bought Hillsong United tickets about 1 1/2 months ago. They were playing in Cedar Park (by Austin) last night. Last week I came down with strep throat. I thought I was doing good. Even went for a run on Friday night. However, at 3 am on Saturday morning I woke up with a terrible sore throat. Just tried resting Saturday in order to feel good for our date night. We took Lisa and Katie to Cindy's for the afternoon and night and headed out. Mike asked if I wanted to stop at the outlet malls. I was feeling extremely nauseated. So I declined shopping!! We continued on, found Cedar Park. We thought we were going to have a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant, but why waste the money when you think you are going to throw it all up? So we went to Panera Bread and got a frozen strawberry lemonade that I took 2 sips of and decided it was not going to sit well. So Mike got Taco Bell...and I couldn't stand the smell. So he ate it while I went inside a Barnes and Nobles and laid my head down on a table. I was such a fun person to be around. Really, I didn't want to ruin his evening, so I did not complain and was praying continually.
We made it to the concert. It was really good. I got the opportunity to really look at the words they were singing and pray them. They had scripture on the screen that correlated with the songs they were singing.
We left a bit early. Then I got sick. But he was comforting and caring and gave me my space. We listened to the audio Bible on the way home and it was so nice, because it is what kept us company.
We made it home by 11:30 pm and I headed to bed and got 2 hours of sleep. Couldn't swallow. So all of these diagnosis ran through my mind and I just knew for sure I would be seeing Jesus today. By 6:00 a.m. I was dressed and ready for the ER. I woke Mike up at 6:30 and he took me in, stayed with me, comforted me and spoke for me ( I was an exhausted, tearful lady).
He brought me home, got my prescriptions, missed church and was going to forgo the river day we had planned. I wanted him to go have fun with the girls and some other people who are going.
He has done so much for me as he does everyday. He is going back to school to get his BSN and then go to nurse practitioner school. He is still working full time and is a great home health nurse. He loves Jesus and wants to talk about Him to everybody. He has a desire to know more about Him and to keep learning. He loves Lisa and Katie and balances love and discipline. He is by no means perfect, and would be embarrassed that I am writing all of this, but from where we were to where we are today--only by God's infinite grace and mercy and patience. We have a long way to go, but I am so thankful to be on this road of life with him.
Line judging at Lisa's volleyball game
The griller extraordinaire
Daddy and little Katie girl.
Way back in 2001
Teaching Lisa how to ride a bike
4th of July concert at Fort Sam Houston
Teaching Katie how to ride her bike
Playing Simon the zealot, one of Jesus disciples in Concordia's Passion Play.
Here he is with Gary Williams, one of our dearest friends.
My favorite "daddy and the girls" picture
Basketball and Art catch-up
Lisa and Katie entertaining their teammates prior to the championship game. They were playing another Concordia team--their school mates. It was a lesson in being humble.
They went into double overtime. We looked over at the bench and the entire team was crying. It was so cute. Then they WON!!!!
It was emotions they had never experienced before.
Katie with her championship t-shirt (and tear-stained cheeks).
Lisa with her championship t-shirt. Her tears had dried.
.
.
One of Lisa's art picture's
This picture won for her grade and got to be shown for one month at Order Up.
It was fun to go eat there and see her picture and celebrate a gift that God has given to her.
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