Last evening my cousin's husband was killed in a terrible car accident. They live in Fort Worth and she is expecting their second child. In fact, they just went for the first sonogram this past Monday and then he died on Tuesday. They also have a 2 year old daughter.
My heart is just breaking for them. Words cannot express how sad I feel for their family. For some reason when it is a traumatic death, it just seems so...unplanned. I want to say unfair, but really, do we all not deserve death.
One thing I have to remind myself is that our days are numbered.
Sometimes I am so sure of myself that my life plans are going to go just the way I want, but really, there is no promise for that. I think "I have a husband and two little girls who need me, God wouldn't take me to heaven yet. Surely He wants me here to do the job He has for me to do." But.....
It brings me back to this day.
Isaiah 55:8-9 became real to me June 15, 2009. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Cindy, the girls and I will travel up to Forth Worth on Friday for the funeral on Saturday. It reminds me that we are not guaranteed our next breath. It will all be over in an instant--but then real life will begin.
Lord, teach us to number our days aright (Psalm 90:12).
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Summer Reading
Latest books I have read this spring and summer:
I re-read the trilogy by Francine Rivers: Mark of the Lion Series. Very good. I have passed it along to some dear friends and bought the set for Lisa's 4th grade teacher as a gift. It reminded me that I am a disciple of Christ, that I serve Him no matter where I am or what my circumstances are. Another great read by Francine Rivers is Redeeming Love.
Costly Grace: A Contemporary View of Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship by Jon Walker.
Very good. Still reading it but here is a very insightful thought: If every time we sinned, we could hear the clank of hammer to nail through wrist, the devil would have a harder time selling us on his inventory of sin.
How to Study Your Bible by Kay Arthur. I am borrowing this from Sheila W. It reminds me of homiletics in BSF. So far one of the greatest points I am taking away from this book is that sometimes my main reason for being in the Word is subjective--simply to get something for myself. But my driving passion should be to know the truth and then live accordingly--to know Him and be sanctified (set apart) by His truth. To let God's word confront me so that I will see my own sin and turn from it and turn toward God. Great reminder.
In the Dust of the Rabbi by Ray Vander Laan has been my ongoing-dig-into-the-word Bible study this summer. There is a DVD that goes with this that has been really insightful also.
The girls and I are doing a Proverbs Bible study together for tweens by Vickie Courtney. We do one or two lessons per week. I have to be patient--fruit of the spirit patient--because sometimes their attention span goes out the door and then what good is Bible Study if it ends in me getting angry and sending them to bed???
I re-read the trilogy by Francine Rivers: Mark of the Lion Series. Very good. I have passed it along to some dear friends and bought the set for Lisa's 4th grade teacher as a gift. It reminded me that I am a disciple of Christ, that I serve Him no matter where I am or what my circumstances are. Another great read by Francine Rivers is Redeeming Love.
Costly Grace: A Contemporary View of Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship by Jon Walker.
Very good. Still reading it but here is a very insightful thought: If every time we sinned, we could hear the clank of hammer to nail through wrist, the devil would have a harder time selling us on his inventory of sin.
How to Study Your Bible by Kay Arthur. I am borrowing this from Sheila W. It reminds me of homiletics in BSF. So far one of the greatest points I am taking away from this book is that sometimes my main reason for being in the Word is subjective--simply to get something for myself. But my driving passion should be to know the truth and then live accordingly--to know Him and be sanctified (set apart) by His truth. To let God's word confront me so that I will see my own sin and turn from it and turn toward God. Great reminder.
In the Dust of the Rabbi by Ray Vander Laan has been my ongoing-dig-into-the-word Bible study this summer. There is a DVD that goes with this that has been really insightful also.
The girls and I are doing a Proverbs Bible study together for tweens by Vickie Courtney. We do one or two lessons per week. I have to be patient--fruit of the spirit patient--because sometimes their attention span goes out the door and then what good is Bible Study if it ends in me getting angry and sending them to bed???
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day.
How do I begin to tell of how blessed I am with this man God has given me. Let me start by telling how this Father's Day has gone down.
We bought Hillsong United tickets about 1 1/2 months ago. They were playing in Cedar Park (by Austin) last night. Last week I came down with strep throat. I thought I was doing good. Even went for a run on Friday night. However, at 3 am on Saturday morning I woke up with a terrible sore throat. Just tried resting Saturday in order to feel good for our date night. We took Lisa and Katie to Cindy's for the afternoon and night and headed out. Mike asked if I wanted to stop at the outlet malls. I was feeling extremely nauseated. So I declined shopping!! We continued on, found Cedar Park. We thought we were going to have a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant, but why waste the money when you think you are going to throw it all up? So we went to Panera Bread and got a frozen strawberry lemonade that I took 2 sips of and decided it was not going to sit well. So Mike got Taco Bell...and I couldn't stand the smell. So he ate it while I went inside a Barnes and Nobles and laid my head down on a table. I was such a fun person to be around. Really, I didn't want to ruin his evening, so I did not complain and was praying continually.
We made it to the concert. It was really good. I got the opportunity to really look at the words they were singing and pray them. They had scripture on the screen that correlated with the songs they were singing.
We left a bit early. Then I got sick. But he was comforting and caring and gave me my space. We listened to the audio Bible on the way home and it was so nice, because it is what kept us company.
We made it home by 11:30 pm and I headed to bed and got 2 hours of sleep. Couldn't swallow. So all of these diagnosis ran through my mind and I just knew for sure I would be seeing Jesus today. By 6:00 a.m. I was dressed and ready for the ER. I woke Mike up at 6:30 and he took me in, stayed with me, comforted me and spoke for me ( I was an exhausted, tearful lady).
He brought me home, got my prescriptions, missed church and was going to forgo the river day we had planned. I wanted him to go have fun with the girls and some other people who are going.
He has done so much for me as he does everyday. He is going back to school to get his BSN and then go to nurse practitioner school. He is still working full time and is a great home health nurse. He loves Jesus and wants to talk about Him to everybody. He has a desire to know more about Him and to keep learning. He loves Lisa and Katie and balances love and discipline. He is by no means perfect, and would be embarrassed that I am writing all of this, but from where we were to where we are today--only by God's infinite grace and mercy and patience. We have a long way to go, but I am so thankful to be on this road of life with him.
Line judging at Lisa's volleyball game
The griller extraordinaire
Daddy and little Katie girl.
Way back in 2001
Teaching Lisa how to ride a bike
4th of July concert at Fort Sam Houston
Teaching Katie how to ride her bike
Playing Simon the zealot, one of Jesus disciples in Concordia's Passion Play.
Here he is with Gary Williams, one of our dearest friends.
My favorite "daddy and the girls" picture
Basketball and Art catch-up
Lisa and Katie entertaining their teammates prior to the championship game. They were playing another Concordia team--their school mates. It was a lesson in being humble.
They went into double overtime. We looked over at the bench and the entire team was crying. It was so cute. Then they WON!!!!
It was emotions they had never experienced before.
Katie with her championship t-shirt (and tear-stained cheeks).
Lisa with her championship t-shirt. Her tears had dried.
.
.
One of Lisa's art picture's
This picture won for her grade and got to be shown for one month at Order Up.
It was fun to go eat there and see her picture and celebrate a gift that God has given to her.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Full Armor of God
It is officially summer. School ended two weeks ago. Mike took the first week off with the girls before summerblast started. They helped a lot of people who needed physical labor.
My dad for one. Dad and Linda got a divorce about 2 months ago. They had been married almost 10 years. Divorce is so hard no matter what. It is heart-breaking. They put their house on the market to sell and it sold in about 1 month. Which was great for dad, not so much for Linda because she didn't have a plan on where she and Jordan and all the cats and dogs were going to live.
Mike went to help dad move out an entertainment center and noticed that the entire house was still put together...and they were closing on it in 3 days. So we went over and helped Linda and dad pack up her things and then move into an apartment.
My heart just broke for her. I was a little angry at my dad. I know there are two sides to every story, but he is the leader of the house. I feel like they did not do all they could to save the marriage--namely, get Christian counseling to guide them with their issues and turning to God.
I believe that God saves marriages. I know He does. He did for us and we will give God the glory for delivering us. Marriage is tough. It is humbling. It is also a blessing and a ministry.
There are so many couple we know who are struggling in their marriages and it breaks my heart. Satan really assaults the family unit and we must pray for a protective hedge around them and put on the full armor of God everyday.
Put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, (it says when) you may be able to stand your ground...Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.
Ephesians 6:13-18
My dad for one. Dad and Linda got a divorce about 2 months ago. They had been married almost 10 years. Divorce is so hard no matter what. It is heart-breaking. They put their house on the market to sell and it sold in about 1 month. Which was great for dad, not so much for Linda because she didn't have a plan on where she and Jordan and all the cats and dogs were going to live.
Mike went to help dad move out an entertainment center and noticed that the entire house was still put together...and they were closing on it in 3 days. So we went over and helped Linda and dad pack up her things and then move into an apartment.
My heart just broke for her. I was a little angry at my dad. I know there are two sides to every story, but he is the leader of the house. I feel like they did not do all they could to save the marriage--namely, get Christian counseling to guide them with their issues and turning to God.
I believe that God saves marriages. I know He does. He did for us and we will give God the glory for delivering us. Marriage is tough. It is humbling. It is also a blessing and a ministry.
There are so many couple we know who are struggling in their marriages and it breaks my heart. Satan really assaults the family unit and we must pray for a protective hedge around them and put on the full armor of God everyday.
Put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, (it says when) you may be able to stand your ground...Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.
Ephesians 6:13-18
Monday, May 2, 2011
Puberty and other things
A conversation with Lisa and Katie:
Lisa: Mom, Lauren joined puberty.
Me: Oh! What is puberty?
Lisa: It's a class you go to then your grown.
Katie: I thought puberty was farting.
Me: What?
Katie: Yeah, it says "pew" berty.
Just for clarification, we have been talking about the changes with the girls. Lisa is almost 11 and we have talked about all the things that are about to happen--hopefully not too soon. I have just failed to call it puberty.
Work: It is a job. That is about it. Probably the easiest nursing job I have ever had. I got yelled at by a complete stranger in the parking lot this morning. I was holding the door and accidentally hit her passenger side mirror with my door. It was gentle, didn't leave a mark or a dent. She rolled down her window and proceeded to chew me out. I apologized. She said clearly I was parked over the line. But I wasn't. It really hurt my feelings. She said lots of other unkind things. It reminded me that there are some VERY unhappy people in the world and that it can be hard to extend grace to those you feel do not deserve it. Grace that God extends to me--undeservedly. I prayed for her--but then I said "Lord, you can bless her, but I don't want her to think that she is being blessed for being mean." I guess my heart wasn't totally there yet. It is now.
Mike is starting to take classes for his BSN the end of May. God seems to be opening doors to proceed down the continuing-of-his-education road. After BSN, it will be nurses practitioner school--God willing.
I am just praying for guidance in this job and a softened heart to accept His will.
Lisa: Mom, Lauren joined puberty.
Me: Oh! What is puberty?
Lisa: It's a class you go to then your grown.
Katie: I thought puberty was farting.
Me: What?
Katie: Yeah, it says "pew" berty.
Just for clarification, we have been talking about the changes with the girls. Lisa is almost 11 and we have talked about all the things that are about to happen--hopefully not too soon. I have just failed to call it puberty.
Work: It is a job. That is about it. Probably the easiest nursing job I have ever had. I got yelled at by a complete stranger in the parking lot this morning. I was holding the door and accidentally hit her passenger side mirror with my door. It was gentle, didn't leave a mark or a dent. She rolled down her window and proceeded to chew me out. I apologized. She said clearly I was parked over the line. But I wasn't. It really hurt my feelings. She said lots of other unkind things. It reminded me that there are some VERY unhappy people in the world and that it can be hard to extend grace to those you feel do not deserve it. Grace that God extends to me--undeservedly. I prayed for her--but then I said "Lord, you can bless her, but I don't want her to think that she is being blessed for being mean." I guess my heart wasn't totally there yet. It is now.
Mike is starting to take classes for his BSN the end of May. God seems to be opening doors to proceed down the continuing-of-his-education road. After BSN, it will be nurses practitioner school--God willing.
I am just praying for guidance in this job and a softened heart to accept His will.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Rut
I have been in quite the rut lately. I started the new job as a complex case manager at an insurance company for medicare/medicaid patients. I have been learning so much and that part it cool. It is a desk job from 7:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. That part is difficult for me. I am getting up at 5:10 every morning to run and have my quiet time so I am learning to be more disciplined, however, I am not sure that I am cut out for this type of work. I am thankful to be employed.
The really bad part of this job is that it is VERY micromanaged. They want us to log out of our phones when we take a bathroom break (picking the option of bathroom break) and if you have to use the bathroom every 1 1/2 hours they want a doctors note. I refuse to do this. It is not that I am trying to break the rules or anything, but in all of my years of nursing (which is 18), I have never been this micromanaged. I am doing the job, they can trace every single thing I am doing and the time frame it is done in. I also drink a lot of water and am not getting "permission" from my doctor to use the bathroom. The person in charge of my supervisor said these rules are in effect for other people, the non-clinical employees, but still--we are all adults.
Needless to say, I have come home in tears many evenings. I feel like I am in some sort of "job-identity" crisis. I have been complaining so much that I am sick of myself.
But God is faithful. He is meeting me where I am. I started reading Jonah and chapter 2:5 just spoke to me: "The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head."
(Especially the seaweed being wrapped around his head. That is how I felt.) Chapter 2:8-9 goes on to say "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord."
A song of thanksgiving to sacrifice to God. That is what I am learning to do.
Am I clinging to worthless idols? We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year and God hates all of the idols we put in our lives. Something I have been learning is that when I focus on myself, that is an idol--even if it is the "woe is me" pity party that has valid reasons.
Philippians 4: 4 Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Paul was in prison when he wrote those words. I have to let that sink in.
This is a tough place to be. I have usually been a glass half- full kind of thinker and I will get back to that. I am praying for a renewed mind and the way to renew my mind is to focus on God.
The really bad part of this job is that it is VERY micromanaged. They want us to log out of our phones when we take a bathroom break (picking the option of bathroom break) and if you have to use the bathroom every 1 1/2 hours they want a doctors note. I refuse to do this. It is not that I am trying to break the rules or anything, but in all of my years of nursing (which is 18), I have never been this micromanaged. I am doing the job, they can trace every single thing I am doing and the time frame it is done in. I also drink a lot of water and am not getting "permission" from my doctor to use the bathroom. The person in charge of my supervisor said these rules are in effect for other people, the non-clinical employees, but still--we are all adults.
Needless to say, I have come home in tears many evenings. I feel like I am in some sort of "job-identity" crisis. I have been complaining so much that I am sick of myself.
But God is faithful. He is meeting me where I am. I started reading Jonah and chapter 2:5 just spoke to me: "The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head."
(Especially the seaweed being wrapped around his head. That is how I felt.) Chapter 2:8-9 goes on to say "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord."
A song of thanksgiving to sacrifice to God. That is what I am learning to do.
Am I clinging to worthless idols? We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year and God hates all of the idols we put in our lives. Something I have been learning is that when I focus on myself, that is an idol--even if it is the "woe is me" pity party that has valid reasons.
Philippians 4: 4 Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Paul was in prison when he wrote those words. I have to let that sink in.
This is a tough place to be. I have usually been a glass half- full kind of thinker and I will get back to that. I am praying for a renewed mind and the way to renew my mind is to focus on God.
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