The Rut

I have been in quite the rut lately.  I started the new job as a complex case manager at an insurance company for medicare/medicaid patients.  I have been learning so much and that part it cool.  It is a desk job from 7:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m.  That part is difficult for me.  I am getting up at 5:10 every morning to run and have my quiet time so I am learning to be more disciplined, however, I am not sure that I am cut out for this type of work.  I am thankful to be employed.

The really bad part of this job is that it is VERY micromanaged.  They want us to log out of our phones when we take a bathroom break (picking the option of bathroom break) and if you have to use the bathroom every 1 1/2 hours they want a doctors note.  I refuse to do this.  It is not that I am trying to break the rules or anything, but in all of my years of nursing (which is 18), I have never been this micromanaged.  I am doing the job, they can trace every single thing I am doing and the time frame it is done in.  I also drink a lot of water and am not getting "permission" from my doctor to use the bathroom.  The person in charge of my supervisor said these rules are in effect for other people, the non-clinical employees, but still--we are all adults.

Needless to say, I have come home in tears many evenings.  I feel like I am in some sort of "job-identity" crisis.  I have been complaining so much that I am sick of myself.

But God is faithful.  He is meeting me where I am.  I started reading Jonah and chapter 2:5 just spoke to me:  "The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head."
(Especially the seaweed being wrapped around his head.  That is how I felt.)  Chapter 2:8-9 goes on to say "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.  But I, with a song of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you.  What I have vowed I will make good.  Salvation comes from the Lord."

A song of thanksgiving to sacrifice to God.  That is what I am learning to do.

Am I clinging to worthless idols?  We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year and God hates all of the idols we put in our lives.  Something I have been learning is that when I focus on myself, that is an idol--even if it is the "woe is me"  pity party that has valid reasons. 

Philippians 4: 4  Rejoice in the Lord, always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!

Paul was in prison when he wrote those words.  I have to let that sink in. 

This is a tough place to be.  I have usually been a glass half- full kind of thinker and I will get back to that.  I am praying for a renewed mind and the way to renew my mind is to focus on God.